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New
Directions Workshops
Matt's
thoughts (T's)
- - -
What if everything were a lesson?
not some things.
not every once in a while a lesson comes along.
I'm talking about EVERYthing.
you'd better pay attention.
you'd better be on your toes.
you'd better be open and willing to learn.
be prepared, and your chance will come.
---
our niche is every man.
our message is universal.
I am talking about Universal Processes that are true
for all humans, as far as I know. All Americans, for
sure.
Our niche is everybody who's hurting and wants to
learn more.
everyone who's disappointed and wants more out of life.
everyone who's never felt Loved the way they've they've
longed to feel.
everyone who's not willing to settle, doesn't do many
Shoulds, and doesn't want to conform.
I want to talk to people who want to Feeeel.
it doesn't mean you go around crying and/or screaming
and/or acting depressed. (although those are all important
components to the 'I Feel' Movement)
I'm talking about ALL the feelings that are there to
feel.
- Powerful
- Exhilirated
- Nurtured
- Pampered
- Orgasmic
- Wasted
- Amazed
- Baffled
Alive.
your feelings are a package deal. You can't cut off
some feelings with dampening them all… it just
doesn't work that way.
either you Feel or you Don't, pretty much.
either your Feelings are Ok with you, or they're not.
and no fair saiying, well these feelings are Ok, but
these are not.
sorry, it doesn't work that way.
but you can also feel More, and feel Deeper, and feel
Better.
ignite your passion
delve to the depths of your sadness
experience all your fears, your Love, your pain and your Joy, all with equal
intensity and fervor.
When's the last time you took a real Risk, and it
turned out AWESOME?
when's the last time you cried?
when's the last time you got to feel Proud of yourself,
really PROUD of who you are and what you're about?
when's the last time you felt total Clarity. Seeing,
knowing, feeling, believing that what you feel and
what you know is so amazingly True, without a shadow
of a doubt?
These are all Feelings. just Feelings.
Learn about them. Experience them. Allow them. Enjoy
them!
If you learn one thing from me, and only one, please
remember this.
Your Feelings and Emotions are God-given GIFTS to
you.
Please learn to understand them and enjoy them.
they are you and they are life.
it's like a wild animal.
we take it in, we love it,
but we gotta Tame it, too.
we gotta give it Boundaries, and Encouragement, and
Limits
we are Training our animal instincts, our feelings
and emotions, to Behave.
they can still be themselves, and they will be respected and loved.
but they must also Behave. and not hurt anyone. and play nice. and control
themselves.
our Feelings are our Wild Animal inside us
the one who hunts for food when necessary.
the one who will cuddle and love their family
the one who can be strong and lead the pack
the one who can tear you to pieces if you threaten their home or loved ones
We keep them tightly caged, because we fear what they
will do if we were to finally let them go free.
that's wise.
if they haven't been expressed for 20, 30, 50+ years, they might be backed
up a bit and come out with a LOT of force.
that's ok, just be ready for it.
do it in a Safe place.
a place where you are free to really, Really, REALLY Be Yourself.
as ANGRY and PiSSeD and RAGEFUL as you can imagine.
Sad = cry/hurt >>> anger/disappointment >>> more hurt >>> wash
away >>> Peace remains >>> empty spot >>> fill holes
with a Color
Anger = irritation >>> anger >>> hate >>> Rage >>> Punching,
Hitting and Yelling (POWER!) >>> release >>> tears >>> release >>> serenity.
---
Problem: Parents were not equal
____ (husband)
____ (wife)
------------------------------------------
____ (parent)
____ (child)
------------------------------------------
Goal: be equal to, or slightly above
you others
----- ____
you're classy, without being cocky
you're good, without being being holy
you're the best, without putting others down
you can bend down and lift someone up, and even put
them on your shoulders,
or you can kick someone's ass who thinks they're better
than you and needs a lesson.
if you have your Feelings, you have your Power!!
if you have your Feelings, you have your Courage!
if you have your Feelings, you can bring your Best
Game.
if you have your Feelings, you can show up and kick
ass.
after lunch, 11.04.05
---
TCOYF: You can't Heal what you can't Feel.
If you ain't in touch with your Feelings and Emotions,
you are NOT in control of your life and you cannot
heal! How can you feel Happy if you cannot Feel? To
heal you must go inside -- deep inside -- to the depths
of your being. Past the pain, sadness, guilt, anger
and depression to that place where Love, Joy, Serenity,
Passion, Sex and Fun all live. Click in, read on. Love
more. Cry less. LIVE FREE > > >
Ready to Feel Better?
In a series of profound email lessons, we'll show you
how to open your mind and heal your heart as you
discover the beauty, joy and wonder of your feelings
and emotions.
11.3.05 02:34
---
patrick, dude, please don't make this pain an Acceptable
part of your life. there are ways around it. we have
too many tools available to us now that we DON'T have
to live in Pain anymore. get your ass back to class
and let's get working on this.
you've known for some time now that we have the keys
-- please come use them.
--- here's another thing that NDers do… or don't
do….
we don't live in Pain.
sure, stuff gets us down, and as I said, we still have
Issues to resolve.
but we also know that whenever we get stuck, when
we reach a plateau in our growth, feel stagnant or
down or depressed, they know a place where they can
fill up -- fill their hearts with Love and Joy and
Connection and Fun. where they Will be Accepted.
where they can make a difference.
where every body knows their name. and uses it in
the gentlest, most encouraging way you can imagine.
imagine feeling TOTALLY Loved.
imagine OverFlowing with JOY and LIFE!
imagine feeling Accepted and A Part Of and Connected.
sometimes the media cut on and make fun of the Personal
Growth Workshops and therapy in general.
they've got a point… it can seem kinda strange
when you explain in words what we do in class. the
hugs, the holding, the enthusiastic pats on the back.
talking to our inner child. holding hands. yelling
at our parents.
easy targets to make fun of.
but, hey, have you ever felt a real Group Hug?? most
people never have.
Have you? Have ever experienced a REAL group hug?
I have. lots of 'em. and guess what? there is NO FEELING
LIKE IT in the World!
I guess I'm kinda addicted to 'em, as I can't seem to live without 'em at this
point.
sometime in your life, if you've never done a real
personal growth workshop - especially a weekend or
longer "intensive" like ND - you owe to yourself
to experience it first hand.
I'm not selling ND. 'tis true that that is the Best
possible way I can help you, personally. Come do it
if you want to, if we can help, we'd love to have you
-- but there are other ways -- but please GO DO SOMETHING
to learn about your Feelings & Emotions! please.
There are lots of other workshops available. business
is good in a lot of camps.
Here are the ones I've been to, or people I've worked with:
www.HAI.org they don't mess much with the yucky feelings - they go right to
the Love part -- wow. try level 1 someday.
www.GlobalRelationshipCenters.com my first learnings, my first real Feelings,
where Paula and I met, where it all started for me / us.
Here are other ones I've heard good (or great) things
about:
www.LifeSpring.com www.OptionGroup.com www.PSISeminars.com
like I said, please go do something!
easiest, quickest, cheapest way to get started right
now.. Read Doc's book "Taking Control of Your
Life"
http://www.familycommcenter.org/About_FCC/Other_Services/Bookstore/bookstore.html
---
"
When we feel stuck, going nowhere -- even starting
to slip backward -- we may actually be backing up to
get a running start."
- Dan Millman
---
since I took my keyboard apart the other day and cleaned it, the . key hasn't
been working properly and this has been interesting for me
to get it to work, I have to SLAM the . KEY harder….. whap, whap, whap.
it builds tension.
irritation.
tick (doesn't work) so Wham. (that works, but it's
irritating and requires more energy and constant problems).
pushes me to do an undercurrent of anger
if I remember, however, and think of it Before I hit
the . key, I hit it harder.
in fact, I'm finding that I hit the keys harder in general
and my keyboard likes that.
and maybe it's what I need.
like a push to build some Attitude, and that Edge I need to be BIG.
that is what I want.
no fooling about it.
I want to talk to a LOT of people.
I am NOT Ok with talking to a few people.
I have a message that will not be denied.
I will not give up.
I am not developing it to fill a Demand.
The Need exists, they just don't Know that it Exists.
I can't find a Hive.
Help me find a Hive.
I will NOT be an Ambulance chaser.
oh, I think that's really holding me back.
I don't want the sick and mentally ill.
I want to work with people who are hurtin', but functional.
I want to talk to the walking wounded.
I want people who have jobs, but they're hurtin'.
and they know it.
and they want to Reach out.
there's a whole Reaching out thing.
they don't know:
c. who to reach out to
b. how to reach out (except for maybe therapy and medication)
c. That Reaching out is even an option.
d. in some cases, even that the concept of Reaching out even exists
it's not that the Demand isn't there,
they don't know that there's a Solution to what's bothering them.
some know that something's bothering them, but they are clueless that there
even IS a solution
they are not Looking for help with their problem
because they don't know that Help even Exists.
and some don't even know the Problem exists.
many don't know that they are angry or hurt, and that they could choose to
Not feel angry or hurt.
many are shut down and depressed.
but they don't Feel shut down, because they don't Feel… period.
they often find that they were shut down AFTER they experience what's it's
like to NOT be shut down for a moment.
I believe that people have NO IDEA how much cooler
their lives would be if they had their Feelings Toolbox
ALIVE and WELL!!
I believe that people DON'T WANT TO ADMIT TO THEMSELVES that they are as unhappy
as they are.
I believe that people have no idea how VERY ANGRY they Really are.
some people know they're angry.
they don't know that there's Relief available.
they don't know that TAKING CONTROL of their Feelings really IS the key to
Happiness.
Happiness IS a Feeling.
How could you feel Happy if you don't Feel?!?
Feelings are the key.
Feelings are the Joy.
Feelings are LIFE!
You can't cut off one feeling at a time. They ALL
Go.
it's a package deal.
you cannot feel your Joy and your Love and your TOTAL
ALIVENESS.
if you are not willing (or know how) to feel your Anger
and your Sadness and your Fear.
of course Fear is scary.
by definition. the answer is in the question.
there are plenty of things that are ALL AFRAID of, not having enough, not being
enough, people leaving us, being alone, being attacked, ourselves.
no wait. We DON'T HAVE TO BE AFRAID of ourselves.
we can LEARN ABOUT ourselves.
and Enjoy ourselves.
and our Fears.
and our Angers.
and our Sadness
and our Guilt.
of course you're Afraid of your Anger.
we all are. Society doesn't know how to handle good clean Anger, so they squash
it.
and our parents taught us over and over that Anger is NOT OK, in any form.
THAT's the Difference between ND folks and non-ND
folks.
We ENJOY and ENCOURAGE our feelings, they Avoid them like the plague!
THAT's the difference.
Having our Feelings be Ok works in so many ways
we not only don't avoid our feelings, that's about ALL WE WANT TO TALK ABOUT!
why? 'cause that's all that really Matters, that's why!
---
we need to talk to people who:
have a problem and know it and believe there is something
they can do about it and are actively doing something
about it and are actively seeking personal growth
help
don't have a problem -- great
don't know you have a problem -- not sure it's my job
to enlighten them, but maybe
don't believe there's hope -- yikes. there is. there
really is.
aren't doing something about it -- well, that's another
part of the problem (shame, low self-esteem, abandonment,
ignorance)
aren't seeking personal growth help -- HELLO! We are
the cheapest, fastest, most effective, life-changing,
love-creating, self-esteem building form of mental
health known to man!!
---
Ha. it finally came to me. just now.
I've been watching us long term NDers who are usually
waaaaay Happier, often more successful and certainly
more ALIVE and FEELING than our counterparts and
I keep wondering,
What's the Difference between NDers and non-NDers?
What is it the one thing that ND teaches that is so
Effective and so Important?
what is it that sets us apart?
what is it that works so well and has changed mine and so many other people's
lives over the last 18 years?
I mean, we're certainly not perfect.
we still hurt.
we still mess up. we still make mistakes. we still
have unresolved Issues.
we still hurt and we still get hurt. we still fail
and we succeed. we still cry and we get angry.
and just this morning at 04:33 on 11.1.05, I realized
what it is.
it's kinda subtle and kind slippery, but here goes…
the difference in long-time NDers is that while most
people try to Avoid their Feelings in various ways,
NDers ENJOY AND APPRECIATE THEIR FEELINGS!
We know that Feelings are a GOOD thing, not a bad
thing.
We know that our Feelings DEFINE us -- who we are,
what we want, what we don't want.
We know that if we Accept our Feelings, we are Accepting
Ourselves -- and Oh, self acceptance makes more difference
in our daily life experience than anything on the planet
! ! !
We embrace our feelings, and thus we can understand
and accept the feelings of others.
we are good listeners.
we are easy to get along with.
we make good employees and managers, leaders and followers
we can be and usually are straight-forward, up-front,
and eye-to-eye Honest
… all just because we know what we Feel, who
we are, and what our Intentions are.
Our Feelings are our Personality.
Our Love.
Our Passion.
Our Joy.
Our Feelings are our Lives.
what's more important than that?!?
Of course that's all what we want to talk about!
of course that's why we want our loved ones to come
to class and learn what we've learned.
of course, that why we "go there". often.
as deep as we can. to come back renewed and refreshed,
sometimes NEVER HAVING TO GO THERE AGAIN.
we understand the Keys to Happiness.
we know that the simple act of Dealing directly with
what's really, Really, REALLY PISSING US OFF, is the
key to relieving our Anger and allowing more Peace.
we are wise to the fact that Talking about, experiencing
and allowing our Fears is the fastest, simplest, most
effective way to Lessen and Relieve our inner child's
pain and our adult's vulnerabilities.
we understand the connection how our Personal Power,
our Courage and our Self-Esteem are all directly based
on our ability to Understand and Manage our feelings
and emotions.
we know that we have Choices -- we always have choices
-- sometimes lots more than many people believe we
have -- in how we deal with situations and relationships.
...and we understand and appreciate the importance
of People in our lives. people who are safe for us.
people who love. people who can accept love and give
love in a clean, honest, value-for-value relationship
where everyone wins.
and we know how to Not Feel Alone, ever again. (once
a graduate, always a friend http://Groups.msn.com/2GetHelp
).
yes, in this case there are subtle differences between "them" and "us".
the "haves" vs. the "have nots".
the "educated" vs. the "ignorant".
but these subtle, intangible differences can mean
the difference between life and death, between divorce
and marriage, between happiness and depression, between
a life filled with joy and Love or a life torn by guilt
and shame.
The tools are all free Please use them.
- Matt
after-thought: if you see a picture of an NDer and
a non-NDer standing next to each other, they probably
both look Ok and they're probably both smiling. but
it's likely that the NDer will have just a bit more
glint in their eye, a bit more Pride in their stance,
a bit more openness and love in their eyes and a bit
more Joy behind that smile.
that's why I keep buggin' you guys about coming back
to class.
come Assist. it's still free. If you can't make it
all weekend, we'll work with you. just come. please.
everyone wins when you show up. please join us.
www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com
Nov. 11-13, 2005 Fresno, CA
---
this is a coastal tourist town with hundreds of small
lodgings but no mega-corp hotels, 2 story or less.
Most motels on the coast have only 25-50 rooms, so
be prepared to have your team stay in several locations.
No one will be very far away. There are also three
State Parks in the area, all with showers and hot
water that can be reserved. Finally as a last resort,
CDF operates the Jackson State Forest, which is 5
miles from Fort Bragg next to a clean beautiful river
under the redwoods where I work everyday. It has
65 primitive campsites (fire ring, outhouse, picnic
table) all free. I reserved 15 large campsites near
each other at Wagon Camp for Skunk teams every year.
Click on link above, and look at the locator maps
for directions.
http://www.mendocoastsoccer.org/listings.htm Tess A-S
---
How about these at the bottom of the letterhead?
"You can't Heal what you can't Feel!"
and
"
If you know what you feel, you'll know who you are and what you truly want."
---
6 Steps to Feeling and Healing
1. KNOW that you feel and Know what you feel.
2. ACCEPT all your body's feelings and emotions.
3. EXPRESS yourself in empowering, healthy ways.
4. RELEASE old, yucky feelings from your past.
5. REPLACE with positive, happy stuff.
6. REJOICE as you re-build your Life -- Your way!
updated 10.25.05:
---
"
Denial is a luxury that I can't afford."
- mcp
---
Doc, here's something I believe could help change the world...
Let's develop the concept of Self-Processing.
Take most any "issue", accept it, learn
from it, feel it, release it and replace it.
and if you need some help in getting the big feelings
out, call a friend for a session of "Bullin' ".
when 2 are more are gathered in the name of emotional release and enlightenment,
God will be there, the universe will conspire to assist you and healing will
begin.
---
you're never really alone anyway.
ask your Higher Power for assistance, guidance, love, compassion, understanding,
...
---
we need a sexy name.
a nonsense name that is easy to remember but elicits the right feeling about
us.
Aviana, Alomda
Emotiana, emo-aitia
Ofallo, opus,
Unicorsary, Unobradly, Uzamba
I... (nope)
---
new entertainment "clubs"
get to know each other
take clothes off
admire and honor each other
have the most amazing sexual experiences
why not?
---
To be a therapeutic person, to ourselves!
1. How to be there for yourself and others.
2. How to connect with yourself and others
3. How to love yourself and others
how to Listen to ourselves, be there for yourself.
the ability to put our needs aside, just for a few
minutes, to Totally be there for others.
we can also do this for ourselves.
teach, teach, teach
write, write, write
---
Hey John: great post re: apologizing! I totally agree
that we give up levels of closeness and intimacy in
exchange for safety and niceness and pleasantries.
the only thing I don't agree with is the "Don't
apologize! Period!" was NOT the point... only
to not apologize for being you.
I carefully worded some of that post to things that
we don't need to apologize for... but there are some
things we very Definitely need to apologize for, quickly,
honestly and sincerely.
I believe that some of the hardest, and most important,
words we can ever say are:
"
I love you" and
"
I'm sorry."
neither should ever be taken "lightly" as
they are windows to our soul.
imho, that saying "Love means never having to
say you're sorry" is pure Bunk. "Love means
saying you're sorry pretty often." and meaning
it. and taking responsibility for our actions. and
being involved and concerned about others.
If we hurt someone, we apologize.
If we accidently step on someone's toes (emotionally
or physically), we apologize.
If we 'assumed' something incorrectly, and it hurt
someone, we apologize.
If we didn't keep our word, we apologize.
If we realize that we let our childhood Issues guide
us, rather than our true, grounded self, we apologize.
Yes, 'tis true that we are responsible for our feelings,
and we cannot cause someone else to hurt (except physically),
but in order to build Trust and safety and togetherness
and closeness, we GOTTA apologize.
the key is Balance (as usual). and the lesson here
is "What is my problem, and what is not my problem?"
any other comments anyone? Shannon and Grizzy, you
guys used to apologize for all kinda things that weren't
yours to apologize for... me, too. anyone else?
- Matt
10.22.05
---
Desires of the body include life itself -- air, health,
water, food, clothing, shelter, emotions, sexual pleasure,
rest and exercise. Desires of the mind include succeeding
in life -- status, accomplishments, self-esteem, success,
control, power, self-righteousness, aesthetic (visual)
pleasure, knowledge, marriage and family.
- Sabrina
---
Abundance, to me, is about having Plenty.
Plenty of time.
Plenty of money.
Plenty of roots.
Plenty of friends.
Plenty of love.
Plenty of passion.
the areas where I have Plenty, are quite wonderful. Abundance, to me, is about
having Plenty in ALL areas of life.
thanks, Catherine.
---
Accepting your Feelings = Accepting your Self!
---
there are specific self-esteem issues.
may feel great about your mental skills, academically
while feeling dirty and gross, emotio-physically
---
it's not that ND folks are always Nice and loving, we're not.
it's not even ND folks are always clear, and open, and doing things in the
healthiest ways.
it's that ND folks are AWARE of it all.
We know when we're being angry.
We know when we're being an ass.
We know when we're being codependant (or other misgiving)
but we are AWARE of it.. and therefore we can do it different when we want
to
THAT'S being In Control of your life...
living in the moment, alive alert and aware, knowing what's right and wrong
and knowing ourselves.
---
Awareness -> Choices -> Freedom
I know what I feel I know what I could feel I am free to choose my reality.
- - -
most help passively. they agree, tho quietly
and unobtrusively, and at differing levels of commitment.
but there are a few, a chosen very few, who will be Active
supporters.
I didn't follow anyone… but bits
and pieces of lots of people / examples.
I look for energy, not so much content.
If I like your energy, I can shift my focus to actually
be Interested in your content.
I may feel them, in a way that feels good to me, that
I can resonate with, and it may be that and only that,
from them. and will be forever in their debt.
like coach t, or MP, or andrea, or Marion, or Dave B.
lisa and andy and ramon (wow, we were similar, like Dave
Lyman and I -- ouch ;-)
mean well, but come across all wrong.
---
ND's Statement of Direction
I am through being a Victim;
and finished Blaming others, and myself.
NOW WHAT?!?
Even though I am Afraid,
I am turning my Anger to Love,
my Sadness to Joy, and
my Depression to Personal Power.
Now I Choose to Feel ALIVE!!
---
Spinoza the Bear says,
"
You are all you need to be."
---
"Blaming others causes anger and guilt.
Blaming yourself breeds shame.
- pkp
sent 10.17.05 to all NDers for 2nd round of feedback.
---
I've learned to deal with my adhd fairly well, becoming
totally absorbed in 1 subject at a time, then come
back if needed to finish . but Finishing things is
still one of my weak points. darn.
---
You BAAAAD! Way to go, Shannon.
let's keep that in a file of Dating stuff.
that's one of the 2GetHelp concepts I want to Teach
about.
how to Date.
who to date
who not to date
how to have the tough conversations
as Dr. Phil says, "how to ask the hard questions".
what to ask
that's what people want to know, and need to know.
how to live (in effect)
when we can successfully write this stuff down, in a way that people can easily
grasp the concepts and the importance, we're gonna change the world.
we are so on the cutting edge of this stuff, you watch.
Grizzy and Shannon, if you could write down some about your Relationship, that
would be awesome.
you guys TOTALLY, 100%, out-of-love, support each other thru thick and thin.
it's so cool to watch you two together.
so how do you to that?
what do you think about, or feel, when you picture each other?
when one of you is down, how do you support them?
when one's going thru a seriously painful growth spurt, how do you Be There
for her?
when you both feel trashed, what's your attitude?
Love first, right?
People don't know HOW to do these simple life skills.
it's not their fault, they (we) were never taught.
so, that's our job. to teach them. to show them. to do what we're doing on
the boards.
and you two are a big part of that positive energy that abounds there!
how's it going with Silent Storm now?
How was it on the phone with her last Wednesday?
this seems like simple stuff we're doing, but I can tell you, we are doing
things that people would LOVE to be able to do, but can't... 'cause they don't
know how, and worse, they've never seen it done, so they don't even know that
the concept Exists!
We KNOW we are loved, by each other.
We Know we are ok, at least with somebody.
We feel OK that we Feel, and therefore Ok with who we are.
We go for MORE Feeling, not Less.
(how dumb is it to "numb your feelings", when they're the Funnest,
most Passionate, most Loving thing in our Lives?!?)
numbing ain't the answer... Dealing directly with them, is. Know what you feel
and You'll know who you are and You'll know What You Want!"
We are to be the positive Role Model that people need. as much or more than
Teaching, we need to Show them how it's done. The big risk for us to be willing
to do it Publicly. and I think we are doing just that. both of you are wonderfully
Open about your issues. I try to be, too. you can ask me anything about any
issues... be happy (or sad or angry, or whatever my body currently feels about
that issue) to talk to you about each and every one, if you think that might
help you.
being willing to be open, in public, is huge.
not names and addresses kinda open,
but open with our Issues, even the ones we're not too proud of.
thanks you guys. your relationship and your growth has inspired Me to show
others how it Could be to be a "good friend".
and again, way to go on your date, Shannon. beautifully handled in every area.
- Matt 10.17.05
---
Deep Feelings
that's what we do.
Yes, that IS our niche.
We're not ambulance chasers… we're offering help to the Really Needy.
the hard cases.
If you're really Angry, and you know it, and you're ready to get off your ass
and DO SOMETHING about it, then Let's Talk.
but not until then.
If you think that you were abused, molested, beaten, abandoned, rejected, raped
or whatever, and you are NOT ANGRY about it, then you are in for a rude awakening
some day.
I'd say that list covers like 3/4 of the US Population, wouldn't you?
We have been hurt, people.
We have been abused.
We have been abandonded.
We have been used.
We are Angry, and we don't know what to do about it!
I will spare you the actual numbers that I've read, because they're just estimates,
because there's no way anyone can know what happens behind closed doors.
The anger is there, trust me, it's there. Until you've consciously gone back
and dealt Directly with the traumatic emotional episodes from your childhood
(or adulthood), they Will come back to haunt you. If fact, if you are really
honest with yourself, you know they already have.
If you are aware that you have either Emotional Issues, or unresolved Feelings
from your childhood, we can help.
There are a number of ways 2GetHelp with your Feelings & Emotions
The baddest, fastest, most effective start to it all is our intensive weekend
workshop in California. www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com
It's $299 for the weekend, and you probably have to travel to Fresno, but let
me tell you, you will never be the same again.
You will experience your Feelings & Emotions
You will "find" a whole other side to you… a deeper, richer,
passionate side to you.
and you will like what you see.
ND people like themselves.
I've been trying to see what it is that makes us different. We still feel,
and we still get stuck, and we still have Issues, so what makes us different
than everybody else? what
We feel good about Ourselves!
We Accept out Feelings, therefore we accept Ourselves -- period.
If you're Ok with your body's Feelings and Emotions, you're Ok with YOU!
Your Feelings ARE You.
They show you what you Love.
They let you know what you Hate.
Feelings = Life!
check this out…
So many Katrina victims were left with what? NOTHING. Absolutely, 100% Nothing
but the clothes they were wearing. no possessions (can you imagine?)
(write article called "Imagine No Possessions")
---
"
Imagine No Possessions"
So many Katrina victims were left with what? NOTHING. Absolutely, 100% Nothing
but the close they were wearing.
no possessions (can you imagine? I wonder if you can)
but were they?
What else did they carry with them, no matter where
they went?
Their Spirit.
Their Feelings.
Their Values.
Their Personality.
Their Memories.
Their Beliefs.
Their Morals.
Their Soul.
and
their survival skills and tactics.
their sense of Personal Power
their Love and their loss
and their sadness and their Joy
and that they CAN Make it through, no matter what.
and their Wits.
and their Judgements.
and their
I'm way more concerned about Who you Are, then what
you do.
My daughter is very aware of her feelings.
she is independent and powerful and full of life
and many find her a joy to be around.
if she had to Survive somewhere, somehow,
she'll be scared, but she'll be aware of being scared. and able to manage it.
she knows how to use her Anger to cover her Fears.
she know how to push herself when needed.
she knows how to deal with people, whether nicely or harshly, to make sure
she gets what she needs.
and much of that, I believe, is because we talk about
Feelings in our house.
she knows her feelings are ok, so she knows that SHE is Ok.
please deal with your own feelings, so you can help
your children deal with theirs.
How can you help your angry teenager, when your own Anger scares the hell out
of you?
How can you expect your child to feel really Loved and Cared for, if you've
never felt it in your life?
How can you get across to others the depth of the feeling you have for them,
when you're afraid of your own feelings?
Learn to use your Feelings as a Tool, even a Weapon,
when needed.
(hint, you may find yourself in situations where they are your greatest, and
sometimes your only, weapon)
---
take your weirdest foibles, protections, masks, and
make them into Tools to use. that you're Already
good at using.
let's see what they are, find their uses (which there
will be some Important ones) and Spin It, so that rather
than an "issue" or a "weakness",
it becomes a Tool, a potential Weapon, to be learned
about, respected and trusted.
figure out your Goals and Intentions, and what's most
important to you, and go there. make it happen. don't
let anything, or anybody, stop you!
life is hard. no shit.
do it wisely, get some help!
you may think you're too Baaad for this touchy-feely
stuff, but guess what buster, guess Who's In Control
of your life? You or your Feelings?
Is your Anger getting the best of you?
Are you sick of trying Not to be Angry?
are you afraid of your own anger?
so you're angry, so what? Join the club, dude.
we're all angry.
and frankly, one of my jobs is to help people who
think they're NOT angry, find out that they really
ARE Angry… because WE CANNOT SURVIVE WITHOUT
OUR ANGER! If you really are not that angry, that's
fine, but you'd better learn how to Manufacture some
Anger… or something… we need it.
---
Formal Training on Teamwork
…
group sizes of 2 and 3 experienced little or no benefit
from the team training I provided. HOWEVER, the teams
of 4 that received my training did EXCEPTIONALLY better
than the groups of 4 that received no training.
---
Our model, by New Directions Program
http://www.newdirectionsprogram.com/ourmodel.html
our program will need to do more Assessments, in different
Phases of healing
Awareness
Acceptance
Identification
Expression
Release
Replace
Rejoice
---
Physiological arousal accompanies all emotion.
http://www.alleydog.com/quizzes/motemotquiz_2.asp
---
according to both James and Lange (the two actually proposed the same theory
at approximately the same time which lead to the name, James-Lange theory of
emotion), emotion occurs because our bodies automatically respond to environmental
stimuli (like the presence of a bear). We then interpret this physical response
into some subjective emotion. So, something in the environment occurs, our
bodies automatically respond to it, and then we perceive some emotion in response
to the physical behaviors.
so some of our emotions are Innate, and some are learned.
while the rest are "created", or Learned based on what we thought
the meaning of the situation was/is. (like feeling angry for an injustice or
abandonment)
a few are primal, natural, automatic, autonomic (like fear of loud noises or
high places, the only 2, according to Doc, that babies are born with)
---
Lepper, Greene, and Nisbett (1973) assigned children who enjoy drawing pictures
to either draw for fun or draw for reward groups. What they found was that
children asked to draw for reward began considering drawing as work instead
of play that was enjoyable. Originally, drawing was intrinsically motivating
to all the children (the drew because they found it fun). But since they were
now getting rewarded for drawing, the children in the reward group eventually
found drawing extrinsically motivating since they were getting something in
return for drawing and you get rewarded for work, not play.
http://www.alleydog.com/quizzes//motemot-exp.html
that means that Paying someone who at first Volunteered, is probably a bad
idea.
---
A large part of emotional suffering comes from our inability to see clearly
into the nature of our internal conflicts and the nature or reason we are in
conflict with others.
in other words:
We must know what we are in control of, and what we are not.
We must know what IS our problem, and what is NOT our problem.
We must be in control of our Shoulds and our Belief systems.
We must be AWARE of what we feel and be able to manage it.
---
Areas of concern, per www.4Therapynet.com
Sometimes the signs that can alert you to problems can be hard to recognize
because your behavior has become so familiar. Our easy-to-take, confidential
self assessment tests have been designed to help you become more aware of any
habits, attitudes or symptoms that might indicate the presence of certain conditions.
Are my spending habits out of control?
Do I drink too much?
Do I have symptoms of an eating disorder?
How do I handle social situations?
How healthy is my attachment to my partner?
How well do I balance my work and personal life?
Is anxiety a concern?
Is it depression?
What's my stress level?
---
Take Control of Your Feelings and Emotions
Life-Changing Personal Coaching Program
by the end of this program, you will be able to:
Know what you feel, and Accept your feelings and your
self
Feel and release your negative feelings, while you
encourage and create more positive ones.
Manage your feelings and emotions in productive, healthy,
loving ways.
The 90-day Growth and Awareness Program
Taking Control of Your Feelings: Identification and
Awareness
Assessment
Doc's Book: "Taking Control of Your Life"
Private Coaching call: intro and direction
CIS Backgrounder
ND Class Weekend: Nov. 11
Now What?!?: Feeling and Healing
3 private Coaching calls
Weekly support group calls - on Wednesday nights
Weekly Huge group meeting
ND Class Weekend - review Feb. 3
Follow-up private Coaching call
Once a graduate, always a friend
Ongoing support and follow-up
Learning how to reach-out and "be there" for
others
Opportunities to make new Friends that are on a similar
path
Assisting at ND: May 5 and beyond
Get yourself, or a family member, a wonderful christmas
present this year!
about: $675 (with money-back gaurentee)
---
taking apart our painful childhood, healing the scars and cuts, and replacing
it with power, love and joy for a wonderful adulthood.
---
Have the team be a team, even when the leaders aren't there.
now That's a team!
---
What unique ability will you be bringing to the table?
As lead instructor for the life-changing breakthrough New Directions workshops
for almost 20 years, I bring a unique blend of Realness, Openness, Power and
Humour to the table. I have done a LOT of work in these classes, and I've worked
personally, face-to-face and eye-to-eye with a LOT of people, so I understand
feelings and emotions better than most.
I am compassionate, supportive, kind and loving.
but I am also aware of my power, my anger, my defenses and my weapons (and
know how to use them, and as importantly, when not to use them.)
I am big, and strong, and I can probably kick your ass.
I play racquetball like a maniac… not out of control, but I can push
myself to my 100% when needed and my body is fast enough and practiced enough
to beat most challengers.
---
3 Indian Gods
A god of creation
A god of destroying
A god of maintaining
And in our lives we need to be the President of all 3
- MP
---
home-based business owners
my market is people who Want it, not messing around.
www.MultipleStreamsTeam.com
www.AndreaRecommends.com
Candy@msoci.com
---
Like any good relationship, our relationship with ourselves
needs boundaries and rules.
Rule 1 - I am Responsible.
--------------------------
I take full ownership, control and responsibility for MYSELF.
My body, my behaviours, my spirit, my words, my actions -- all of it.
If it came from me, even unconsciously, I am responsible.
I feel I can adequately Protect myself and my family,
I am mature and act like a responsible Adult,
and I can still allow the Child in me to laugh and play, in awe at the wonder
of it all.
Rule 2 - My body is Mine!
-------------------------
No body touches me nor 'possess' any part of my spirit, brain, heart or any
other part of me, without my express permission.
I don't do other people's Shoulds unless I agree with them.
I don't carry other people's voices in my head.
I don't run my life to please, or irritate, anyone else.
I am not the victim in any area of my life. (but if I am, let me know gently
and I'll endeavor to change it.)
I love who I love and I think what is right for me and I act and feel accordingly.
no one stays in my heart, or my mind, without my
permission.
Rule 3 - I will Love first and always.
---------------------------------------
Love because it feels good. Love because you want to. Love because there is
no other way to live.
If Love underlies everything you say and do, you'll never feel alone again!
Love connects us.
Love creates us.
Love IS us.
and we are Love.
(my mom called us the "Huggy Bunch" today... I like it)
Rule 4 - I will be Nice. And keep being Nice, until
it's time to Not be nice. - Patrick Swayze as Dalton
in "Roadhouse"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
It's Ok to be a nice guy, as long as we know how to fight, too. Fight only
when absolutely necessary. Be slow to anger, but when enough's enough, be ready
to attack with fury and purpose from the depths of your core. Fear no one,
as you can access emotions and power within your soul so deep, and so powerful,
mountains tremble (whoa!). You get my meaning. Be nice. but have your Anger
tool right by your side, should you ever need to wield it.
Rule 5 - I will Shut Up and Listen
---------------------------
Wanna connect with people? Really hear and understand and enjoy other people?
Try LISTENING to them.
Yes, you need to express yourself, but rather than talking without learning,
try listening, deeply, to the people around you.
Guess what they are feeling, and help them feel even better.
Assume they're scared, too.
Assume they actually do want to be close friends, but they've been burned before
and they're wary.
You reach out first. Ready for my opening line... with an outstretched hand
I smile and say, "Hi, my name is Matt.". works every time.
Be safe, and loving, and accepting, and kind. Surprise 'em, by not judging
'em. Try a compliment... it worth gold in setting the tone of your relationship.
assume you're friends now that you've met.
Trust, and verify. You can 'afford' to trust first because you know you have
the skills to Remove that trust quick, fast and in a hurry, if needed. You
trust wisely, with eyes wide open, knowing you are at the controls.
You can even be truly honest with people, telling people things that their
best friends wouldn't tell them, because when it comes
from love, most anything can be heard and understood. Come from love.
always. even if you have to fight, do it out of Love of freedom,
democracy and the American way.
Rule 6 - Stay Open to Learning.
-------------------------------
watch Kids, especially. If you want to really understand adults better, watch
kids. They're fascinating. They're simpler than we are, so it's easier to track
what's happening, and as they grow, you can see the protections and avoidances
and nuances of each person develop and mature as they grow. (most times, I'd
rather hang around with kids than adults...
that's why I feel so blessed to have my daughter and 4 grandkiddos right here
in our little town. We get to have a slumber party the next 3 nights, so I'm
excited they're coming over! ice cream and sleeping bags and kid movies and
laughter and giggling and tickling and Aliveness.)
a wonderful way to combat a bully or naysayer is to agree with them... it takes
all the fun out of the criticism. If they say you're controlling, they're probably
right. If they tell you that your energy more repels than attracts, they're
probably right. If they you are hard to get close to, they're probably right.
Listen. Learn. Let go quickly and gently. Float. Glide. Flow. Enjoy. Relax.
Find Good. Live free.
Rule 7 - Keep the big picture in mind.
--------------------------------------
If you think things can't get worse, you are so wrong.
Things can Always get worse, a lot worse. We have it pretty damned good in
the US. So even when you get down, know that we Americans will always learn,
grow and perservere.
Know that they are feelings, and only feelings, no
matter how bad they may seem in the present, if allowed
and dealt with directly, they will pass.
Feelings are a good thing, not a bad thing.
---
The funest thing I do: play racquetball
The thing I do that makes me learn the most about myself:
writing
The way I feel the most loved and appreciated: hanging
out with the grandkiddos
When I feel the most 'on purpose': teaching and loving
---
I hate to get real heavy on you in an email, but I'm
having trouble saying it to you in person, and I
do need to say it.
Rachel, I feel like you are actively pushing me away.
You are short with me.
You use a nasty, impatient, judgemental voice with
me, much of the time.
and here's the worst part, for me.
you are an amazingly aware, brilliant, beautiful young
lady
I believe that you know darned well that you hurt
my feelings, often.
heck, I've been hanging up on you when you talk harshly to you, so I'm sure
you noticed.
but you know it, and It Seems to be OK with you.
you're aware enough to know that it's my problem,
not yours.
and that's true.
it is my problem.
you have some need to push me away.
and intense need for independence and control over
your life.
no problem.
I've always strived to give you as much room as you've
needed to really spread your wings.
there have been 2 life decisions that you did Not
have control over.
moving to Fort Bragg
moving out in the country, to McDonnell Lane
both true.
I think you're still very angry about both.
You and mom have a cool relationship lately. I'm so
glad that you have chosen to love and respect her,
even tho both of the above decisions were hers.
I think you're mad at me because I didn't stand up
to Mom, and let her run over me.
I think you lost some respect for me, knowing I'm kind
of a wimp.
I think you've judged me that I have 'feelings' when
you don't (or didn't).
but I also believe you've been trying them on a little recently and you're
starting to like them.
the thing about feelings is that they're a package deal.
if you cut off of one (for example, you decide never to cry or feel sad), they
all get cut off, and blocked and pent up.
That's one of the reasons that ND works so well.
We are awesome at getting to people's blocked up, cut off, pent up feelings
and helping them POW! release them into the atmosphere! It's so cool to watch,
and be a part of. way much fun.
Feelings will not be denied.
You may think you're stuffing or avoiding or ignoring
your feelings, but I've got news for you, they will
not be denied.
do you smoke, or drink, or eat too much?
Guess what that means?
do you have trouble finding or holding on to relationships?
I guarentee that unresolved feelings are getting in your way, unconsciously.
are you as Happy as you want to be?
Happiness is a "natural state" that would exist, in BIG amounts,
given the chance.
Once we move our negative feelings and emotions out of the way, out of our
bodies, Happiness, and Joy, and Peace will exist AUTOMATICALLY, as that is
how we were designed. God is good. When we can touch our essence, even a little
pinkey finger touch, we are constantly Amazed at the depth and breadth and
ability to Love we have at our center.
Experience your Feelings, there is NOTHING like it
in the world. It IS your world. All the things that
happen around us, they are "the World". But
they are the outside world, so of which we can control,
most of which we can't. Now, the Inside world -- our
feelings, our beliefs, our memories, our issues, our
personality, our survival skills -- those are all inside
us, they ARE us and they are Our World. And here's
the really GREAT NEWS -- we have WAY MUCH MORE CONTROL
of our innerds that we ever imagined possible!
Once you learn and see and experience and Feel what
POSSIBLE inside you, you will never return to your
clueless state on unawareness. Once you know what you
feel, you can never Unknow it. When your body feels
angry, you'll know it. When you're afraid, you'll sense
it faster and more accurately (and probably Deeper,
too).
ONCE YOU IDENTIFY YOUR FEELINGS, you can DO SOMETHING
ABOUT THEM!
but not until then.
We cannot make wise, mature, logical decisions on
stuff that we are NOT aware of! duh.
If you don't know what you feel, you cannot control
and manage your feelings… they control and manage
you. period.
you'll find yourself constantly doing things to soothe
or placate or avoid your feelings… or you always
opt for the 'comfortable' path.
have you ever Moved to another city or state so you
don't have to "deal with" somebody?
have you ever NOT gone somewhere because you're too
afraid of what others might think of you?
have you ever NOT stood up to somebody (emotionally
speaking) because you couldn't handle the possibility
of Conflict or Angry words?
THAT is letting your feelings control you.
Once you are in control -- you accept That you feel,
you know What you are feeling, and you probably know
Why you are feeling it -- you can make WAY MUCH better
decisions about yourself and your life.
come to class, if nothing else, for the Experience
of it all.
watching people Transform, completely, before your eyes, is something you just
gotta see.
In a sea of love, care and concern that strengthens and honors and celebrates
each of us to our core.
Ever seen someone on Dr. Phil really "Get it"?
We do that all the time, over and over, all weekend!
It's so cool to watch and to be there with. The healing
energy pervades the room, people totally let down their
barriers and are 100% there for one another.
Watch life happen. Watch people heal emotional blocks
and "issues" that have been eating them up
inside for 10, 20, 30+ years. Right in front of you.
Right with you.
And you helped make it happen. Your acceptance, your
love, your support, your hugs.
From that day forward, you will have a picture, a
feeling, an experience of what it's like to truly Connect,
to be with, to belong, to be We, to coexist, to be
part of the Team.
Even tho' we will be together for only a few days,
you will see a side of yourself that will forever change
the way you look at people, at your family, at your
friends, at your enemies, at the world.---
---
no one stays in my heart, or my mind, without my permission.
---
Men taught common sense, mechanical improvements and
mass production.
plus legal, business and financial institutions that have worked amazingly
well.
Now women are bringing to the mix, the Personal side
of things.
The networking.
The Communication
The Personality
The Heart
The Life Connection
---
ND Mission:
To educate the world on the power, the love and the joy in exploring and understanding
their feelings and emotions.
ND is an organization based on love, trust, honesty and fellowship.
---
Business "packages"
as EAP
Emergency assistance
choices: 1 hour of therapy, or medication, or even hospitalization -slow, costly,
or too invasive.
there's a better, faster way…we're faster than therapy, cheaper than
medical and way more personal than a hospital.
In 1 short weekend, we can SIGNIFICANTLY change a
person's will-to-live, they're overwhelmin feelings
of Powerlessness, and help them get in touch with their
Joy and Personal Power again.
yep, just 1 weekend.
we've been doing it for over 18 years now. mostly
in Fresno. and we're pretty darned good at it.
we've had over 2,000 graduates and their Testimonials are amazing.
www.NewDirectionsWorkshop.com/whatpeoplesay.htm
we have kicked some serious emotional butt during
that time. read what people say about ND.
we have saved marriages.
we have saved relationships.
we have even saved lives (literally and figuratively)
we have taken people from the doldrums to the heights
we have helped people resolve life-long hurts and angers
we have helped people seemingly bottomless grief from losing of a dear loved
one
we have helped people get through the incredible pain of divorce from a 20-
or 30-year marriage.
we have helped people come back to life, after being down and depressed for
years.
we have helped people enjoy their lives more fully and completely.
we have helped people feel Closer and more intimate with another human that
they only dreamed of.
we have helped people feel Happy, and Joyous, and Free.
You don't have to be Down to take New Directions.
You certainly aren't Broken.
You don't have to be "in crisis" or any other kind of drama, either.
you can just be Curious, or Interested, even Skeptical.
I will guarantee you this…
if you come into the class with even a semi-open mind and heart
we can help you to feel safer, more loved, more encouraged and more Ok than
you've felt for a very long time, maybe for ever!
You will learn things you never knew about yourself,
your feelings, your past and your heart.
You will see your life differently than you ever saw it before.
You will understand yourself, and other people, when you see so clearly what
makes us all tick.
You will learn a whole new 'language' of feelings and emotions that will help
you connect with people on a more personal lever than ever before.
and hey, if it doesn't work for you, no problem. I'll
give you your money back.
that's right… all of it.
I've only been asked this a few times, but it did happen the last class.
he came to Friday night and he was visibly tense.
he came to Saturday morning and he was even more tense. he mentioned to me
that he wasn't sure he could handle the class.
about 11:00 Saturday morning he asked me if we could talk. We went out in the
hallway and we talked. He told me that he had been diagnosed with Panic Anxiety
and he was having a heckuva time sitting still in a room full of people. I
said Dude, you're so close, don't leave now. You will break thru this and you
will feel better. just give me one more day. He thanked me, said he learned
a lot and asked if he could keep Doc's book but just wasn't ready to break
thru this stuff… not yet. He asked for his money back and I gave it to
him, with my best wishes, a complement on how cool it was that he was so aware
of his feelings now and an invitation to return (technically, our agreement
says you gotta attend the entire weekend, but he wanted outta there bad, so
I let him slide). I figured I could be an ass about it now, and never see him
again, or be cool about it and then he'd be free to come back when he's ready.
---
There are only 4 questions of value in life:
what is sacred?
of what is the spirit made?
what is worth living for?
and what is worth dying for?
The answer to each is the same.
Only love.
- Don Juan DeMarco
---
I'm going to learn to dance my ass off.
a. very healthy
b. don't care what others are seeing
c. better yet, I see me, thru their eyes, and I like what I see.
I smile a lot, I invite others to play with me, in a very safe, respectful,
loving way
and I spread joy where I can wherever I go.
I do care what I look like -- and I feel Great!
---
maybe I'm supposed to look how I look. duh.
maybe I need to publically enjoy my love of food and eating.
maybe I need to just be, physically
and my body will adjust to what it's supposed to be.
maybe it will help me change things faster.
maybe that's just an excuse, a way to keep from trying.
maybe.
so.
I don’t do much guilt anymore. I like that.
I feel like I'm not as caring, and nice… which is true. I'm more real.
I get to feel what Not feeling guilty feels like.
I like it.
there are things I am "aware of" and paying attention to, without
them causing my heart to race or my body to tense over.
that's the test between issue and healed… does the subject cause physical
and/or emotional palpitations? if so, it's an "issue".
maybe.
---
Want to Feel better?
are you feeling down, or angry, or scared all the time?
Want to Feel more?
do your feelings seem far away or self-contained in a little box?
Want to get in-touch with your Feelings?
are you Clueless when it comes to managing your feelings and emotions?
We can help.
In 1 short, powerful weekend, you will learn to
Identify what you Feel
Accept that it's Ok to Feel
Allow, or Disallow, your Feelings
Open your heart to Love, and close it up as needed.
Embrace your inner child, where all your feelings started from.
Understand who you are, and how you got here, emotionally
Feel safe, truly safe, possibly for the first time in your life
Express your feelings in positive, productive ways, that bring people closer
to you.
Be Ok having people closer to you.
we talk about:
Trust
Guilt
Anger
Sadness
Joy
Shame
Blame
Peace
Love
Depression
Playing the Victim
Personal Power
Rage
Relief
Relief from Depression = Sad + Acceptance + Powerful
+ No Victim + Anger + Rage + Hurt + Disappointment
+ Personal Power +Anger + Hope + Joy + Relief
Relief from Anger = (Anger or hurt, differentiate.)
If hurt, Hurt + powerful + anger + hurt + fill with love + Relief + joy
if real anger, do it. yell it out and punch it out and Explode it out of your
system. keep going 'til there's no more. and then go a bit longer.
get it all out of your system.
it's kinda like a big Burp or Fart. it's pent-up energy, mostly in your chest,
that needs releasing…
… it kinda pOps.
and then recedes. and then relief
and a sorta hollow feeling exists where the energy was, but ain't there no
more.
That space needs to be filled. If you don't fill it consciously, you will fill
it unconsciously (not good).
Relief from Guilt =
Relief from Shame =
Relief from Sadness =
Steps to fill your hollow chest cavity after 'processing' your anger:
------------------------------------
Picture your Higher Power.
Allow your heart and mind to be open to Him/Her… connect.
now Picture a Color. Any color that feels good and
right to you right now.
name the color outloud. be specific
Allow your Higher power to POUR this color all over
you from above… there's as much as you want…
enjoy the ooze as it caresses your hair and head. Feel it flow over you and
inside you, filling your entire insides and out with your color.
notice how it feels. notice how full you feel. full, yet light.
Make sure the empty space inside you gets extra attention.
go in with a soft sponge or towel and gently paint the walls with your color.
soothing… caressing…
touch every area until it's completely covered.
enjoy.
---
Q: "Who made more difference in curing your depression
than any other human on the planet?"
A. "you did."
---
get 'em into their feelings, really feeling it, and
accepting it
and Wham! change it.
get 'em laughing. break the cycle of energy.
make a new ending to the story. (like nlp)
"You're so good at that!"
- Michelle Every
---
posted on www.eq.org 9.24.05
Ok, here's a review of TakingControlOfYourFeelings.com.
(it might be slightly biased, as it's my blog, but
I'll try to be honest, never-the-less.)
'cause Honesty is one of things my blog is about.
Honesty
and Safety
and Intimacy
and Commitment
and Love.
TCOYF, as I call it, is a pretty good blog, I think.
What it lacks in technical merit, it makes up for with
a very real, very powerful, very unique message.
With over 300 entries, it covers lots of information,
research, quotes, lessons and personal musings all
about the work I've done with people's Feelings. The
wording is clumsy in parts, but it's improved over
the 3 years as I have 'found my voice' get clearer
and cleared.
but here's the cool part:
What I'm selling is totally and completely FREE!
What I'm pushing is an Unlimited supply of intensity, passion, joy and love.
What I know is that a few thousand people have Feelings and improved EQ has
radically improved their lives, so I believe they will also work for you.
What I want if for you to decide to Feel. Not avoid
your feelings, but go right for them, to experience
them, to enjoy them.
Taking Control of your Feelings (EQ) is one of the
most important life tools you can ever learn. ever.
Taking Control of your FEELINGS & Emotions is the Key to HAPPINESS.
Taking Control of your Feelings = Taking Control of your Life
it's true.
I've seen it over and over.
How do I know all this? My wife Paula and I have been
teaching a weekend intensive for about 18 years now
where we deal DIRECTLY with our feelings and emotions.
We talk about -- AND EXPERIENCE -- our anger, fear,
sadness, depression, along with joy, love, beauty and
Personal Power. When people leave the weekend, they
feel Full, and Alive, and Loving, and Powerful, and
Joyous. They have found out how to deal with and heal
some of their incredible unresolved pain and angers
from their past, merely by Allowing and Experiencing
their deepest wounds and raging hatred.
Our testimonials speak for themselves and how well
this works in people's lives… we have been a
part of numerous Astounding changes in people… from
sickness to health, from mental hospital to magna cum
laude, from suicidal to inspirational… but I'm
not pushing the class. You can come if you need real,
face-to-face help breaking thru old emotional baggage… but
you don't NEED US to do that. You can do all this yourself,
at home, with your own friends and loved-ones.
Here's my message in a nutshell: Feel, and Feel, and
Feel some more.
Delve into the very core of your soul to resurface renewed, cleansed & clear,
lighter & brighter than ever before.
If it's Yucky stuff then FEEL it -- really, REALLY
FEEL IT -- at your 100%, with everything you've got,
and it will leave.
If you're sad, please, please, be sad. It's the kindest, gentlest, lovingest,
healthiest gift you can give yourself. Let yourself Go to swim in a sea of
tears and grief so your poor body can finally heal. Open your heart to yourself,
allow yourself to be sad, and cry, and grieve. You will surely find out who
and what you truly love.
If you're angry, find a safe place where you can go ballistic and Express your
anger and rage as intensely as you feel it.
If you're depressed, get angry. Depression = Anger Turned Inward. Come to grips
with your anger, let it out and let it go. and you will heal.
If you're afraid, face it. Most times our fear tells us to "Pay Attention" and "Open
your Eyes" and "Wake up!". It rarely tells us "Stop" or "Avoid
at all costs" or "Run!" (sometimes, but not often). Once you
can deal with your fears, you can embrace them when they surface, listen to
them, hear the message they carry and then make good, sound, logical decisions
even though you may be afraid.
If you're guilty, quit it. Guilt is a totally optional, learned behaviour that
can ruin your life experience if left to do it's worst and poison your body.
When you are powerful enough to say "I will not carry this guilt anymore",
you'll be free to live as proud -- chin up, eyes straight and head clear.
… and there's more… oh so much more...
You see, once we fully express our pent-up sadness
and rage, really, really express it, then Poof, our
feelings can CHANGE. They disappate. They disappear.
They are released from the confines of our body and
are free to go. c-ya later, bye. yes, it's that simple.
"Feelings expressed as intensily as they are
felt will reduce in intensity and are free to change."
- Doc Downing, PhD, LMFT (my mentor)
Here are the simple steps to Feelin' and Healin'
Acknowledge & Accept Your feelings determine you. They guide you. They
are you. Accepting your feelings = accepting yourself.
Explore & Allow Trust your body that it knows. If you haven't 'dealt with'
your past, you need to. period.
Release & Replace. When it comes up, find a safe place and feel it at 100%
so you can let go of the yuck and find the Good.
Celebrate & Rejoice Go for the Gold, baby!! Totally aware, with wisdom,
joy and ALIVEness in your Heart!
What's our secret? Here are a few.
1) Acceptance. We've been there. we know what it's
like. and you're ok with us, whether you're raging
at a pillow, curled up in our laps in a fetal position,
or dancing around the place, as carefree and light
as you've ever felt before.
2) Safety. By fully accepting you and focussing the
entire class's energies on you, you are likely to feel
Safer and more Loved and accepted than ever before
in your life. The power of the group intention is just
awesome to witness!
3) The Group. People crave connection. Connection
is the key and Love is the answer. We may all have
different life stories -- some far worse than others
-- but the one thing we all share in common, regardless
of race, creed, sex or color, is our Feelings. We have
ALL felt sad before. We have all been angry. We have
all lost someone or something we loved. We all have
Feelings and it is from there that we connect, we belong,
we create intimacy and we fit in with humanity.
4) The Focus. I've been to a lot of workshops, and
I know about a lot of other workshops, but I have never
seen one that goes Directly for the feelings and emotions
like we do. You want to get to the heart of the matter?
let's go. Here's an example: The homework exercise
for Friday night of class, answer 2 questions: 1) Who
or what are you angry at? 2) Who or what hurt you the
most? we don't avoid feelings, we go right for them.
so you'll know how after the weekend is over.
5) A Sense of Humour. This is tough stuff… as
tough as it gets, actually. It's quite simple, really,
but it ain't easy. So we keep a good attitude about
it all. We have fun, we dance, we celebrate, we lift
up, we encourage and we hug (a lot), 'cause that's
what we want our lives to be about. We dig into the
yucky feelings, but we come right back to laughing
and hugging and love.
6) The Love. Everything, and I mean everthing, is
done with Love. We love you unconditionally, right
from our first meeting. why? because it works. because
it's wonderful, because we choose to love. If we have
the tools to handle the hurt and disappointments that
come with all relationships, we can open up and trust
and love with all our hearts, but wisely and intelligently.
7) Experience. As I said, we've been doing this for
awhile now… an entire Generation, in fact. It
works for kids, for teens, for adults and for the elderly.
We've seen it all and we've dealt with all types of
people, probably someone like you.
In my blog there's straight-forward talk about Feelings
and Emotions. I think you'll find that I explain them
and discuss them and debate them like you've never
seen anywhere else.
I just want people to Feel. Period. The power, the
beauty and the Joy of truly being in-touch with yourself,
your feelings, your passions and your Life is indescribable.
Click thru to read a few items… only takes a
sec… as your body will know right away how you
Feel about my style and my message.
"You can't Heal what you can't Feel."
read on…and Feel!
- Matt
---
---
Finding my voice…
- mcp 09-23-05
---
---
New Directions Workshop's
STATEMENT OF DIRECTION
---------------------------------------
I am through being the Victim.
And finished blaming others, and myself.
NOW WHAT?!?
Even though I am Afraid,
I am turning Anger into Love,
Sadness to Joy,
and Depression into Personal Power.
Now I choose to feel ALIVE!!
9.23.05 me, pkp, christine
http://2gethelp.blogs.com/takingcontrol/2005/09/statement_of_di.html
---
I guess I wanna show people how to live. young adults
or fired-up women are my fave. like LJ and Kim and
__ (her sis) and Carole (last class) and Jenn and Michele
and Michelle and Karen, etc. we want people who are
ready to go to work. don't come here to pussy-foot
around. we do serious emotional cleansing work, and
it's not for everybody.
By golly, if you ain't into it, that's ok.
or tell you what, ever better... we can go as deep,
or not, as you are ready to go.
We'll come to where you are.
We have seen (and felt) how deep we CAN go -- but as
Doc says, "You can only be where you are." (duh.
yet profound in as a means of Accepting yourself).
in fact, that's another cool thing about us... since
we've worked with sooo many people, on sooo many growth
paths, we can be VERY respectful of where you are in
Your growth and development.
we'll come where you are and
we'll lift you up
we'll celebrate you
and encourage you
and teach you
and guide you
and fill you up with love and warm feelings
so you don't feel alone, anymore.
Once a graduate, always a Friend.
---
and if you're seeing where you're at, clearly, honestly,
at a feeling level and you're not liking it. that's
cool, too.
we'll tell you that, too.
the cool part about finding out we're NOT where we
WANT to be, it leaves Huge potential for growth and
development
what if we were "There". And this was it..
How sad would that be?
---
People don't know.
As teens and young adults, people don't know that they
are going to marry their mother or their father, depending
on which one they have the biggest issues with.
People don't know that their current beliefs and behaviours
are so interconnected to their childhood traumas.
People don't know that you can beat the voices in your
head.
People don't know that they can heal their own depression.
People don't know that exploring and learning to manage
their feelings and emotions is the key to happiness.
People don't know all the emotional choices they actually
have.
People don't know that they can feel better, when they've
felt badly for so long.
People don't know that there is so much Hope, so easily
and permanently.
People don't know what to do with all their anger.
People don't know how to combat their fears.
People don't know how to effectively reduce their sadness
and grief.
People don't know these basic concepts that we take
as obvious.
We need to teach them.
http://2gethelp.blogs.com/takingcontrol/2005/09/people_dont_kno.html
---
Why are you doing this work?
"She said she wanted to be free more than anything
else."
---
ND Target Audience
25-45 single females (or the very few emotionally aware males of any age)
45-65 married females
employed, middle income
probably divorced
wanting less pain, more love and happiness out of life
emotional healing, relationships, recovery, success, growth
---
see Radio High School movie: PUMP UP THE VOLUME
---
(?) huhmm? or hmmm...
(!) a comment, not nec. at end of sentence
---
I've been trying to sell you on ND.
that's not what I'm selling.
I'm selling Feelings.
talk to people. teach them. show them.
they don't know that their Feelings are the Key to
Happiness.
they don't know that they have Everything they need,
inside them, to be really Happy and Joyous and Free.
they don't know because they haven't been taught.
they don't know how Easy it can be (yes, after awhile,
when you stop fighting it, it actually couldn't be
easier)
it's about being authentic, real-life, right-now YOU.
that's it.
what could be easier or more natural.
In fact, that's the point.
The more you're in touch with your Feelings, the more
Natural and Genuine and Real you can be.
---
Wanna Be more Real?
Sick of wearing that fake Mask all the time, cause
you're Afraid to take it off?
---
we can help show you how.
we can create a safe place for you to process thru
your feelings.
we can offer support and love and encouragement and
for you,
but you don't need us to do the work.
find someone local.
find a trusted friend, who's not afraid of their own
feelings.
get some help. or not.
but do the work.
---
I've been working on this wording for years.
and I finally Got it.
I'm not selling ND or TCOYF or TCOYL,
I'm selling Feelings.
tell 'em it's Easy.
tell 'em it's Free.
tell 'em it's the Key to Happiness.
tell 'em that it's the ONLY WAY to really Take Control
of their Lives.
oh, and warn them too, because there is a down side
to all this.
'em, too, that it ain't always Fun.
you will friggin' Hurt to the Depths of your soul.
you will feel Pain that is so intense you will feel
like your chest is gonna explode and your heart is
gonna bust >> !!
you will feel and you will cry and you will Scream
and you fall to the ground in pain.
… and you will Heal.
… and it will pass.
(and this is the way to make it pass, is to Allow
it. there are other choices. there is years of analysis,
there is eating, and drinking, and food and hard drugs
and pills, and work, and reading, and porn, and all
kinds of ways to Avoid feeling what you're really feeling,
way down deep. well guess what -- what you feel is
what you feel.
"You can only be where you are." - Doc Downing
seems kinda 'duh', but think about it.
how many times do we say, to ourselves, 'nah, I don't
feel that. I'm not that angry.'
acknowledge, allow, release, replace
acknowledge = explore + identify
we don't Avoid our Feelings,
we go Looking for them!
we wanna find what we're Angry about, so we can get
it handled and out of our System. sometimes, for ever.
we wanna realize our Fears, and our Limiting Beliefs,
and any self-abusive language that's secretly plays
in our heads.
we take classes, we read, we are all in Support Groups,
some are in therapy, especially Group Therapy (cause
it's cheaper and we understand the power of the group
process!)
Your Feelings are the Key to Life: Take Control of
them
Connection is the Key.
You've been hurt. bad.
You're pissed off.
You've been pissed off so long that now you're Depressed,
too.
good news: so has everyone else!
every one.
that is the one clear, combining factor among all us
Humans.
We all understand what Pain is.
We are all Angry about something(s).
We all understand Love.
We all know what the magic of the human connection
feels like.
however, we are at drastically different levels of
Awareness about what we can Do with our feelings.
We now understand so much more about them, how to live
with them, how to control them (not force, but manage
and be smart about them)
---
Make a space, that's all your own.
somewhere, somehow
make it yours.
---
people who spend time alone usually hate it at first
but then after awhile, they start to like it
and don't then want to be around others much.
ironic, but true.
---
"
New Directions is a place that no matter where you
are in your learning process, or what problems you
have in life, you will walk away with new information.
This has been a journey in learning for me and I would
like to share this part of my personal growth with
each and every person I meet. "
- Lori Seargeant, ND instructor and participant for over 12 years
---
we are selling Feelings, period.
we are spreading the gospel, the truth, the way and the light.
We are selling Life!
Feelings = Life.
Passion.
Love.
Joy.
Peace.
Contentment.
Safety.
Compassion.
all of it.
and that's my point…
There really IS nothing more important to focus on.
The people's lives that were trashed and drowned and blown away… what
do they have left?
Their Feelings. Their Hearts. Their Memories. Their Connections to others.
nothing else. nothing.
I'll say it again,
there is Nothing more important to learn about than
this.
nothing else. nothing.
posted
---
Accept & Allow Allow it Get a Clue
Express and Release Feel it Get a Grip
Replace and Rejoice Enjoy it Get a Life
---
what if we could control our feelings enough that we
could Process through, even really hurt or angry feelings,
right through our system, to return to a healthy, living-in-the-moment
peace about you because You Know You can Handle Anything
that comes your way, from this day forward.
yes, you can make THAT BIG of jumps in just 1 weekend.
no kidding.
It's just Attitude.
It's all Attitude.
And Attitude is all YOURS!
You can switch things around so fast, once you get
to the bottom of it all, it's quite amazing to watch,
and experience.
(hint, if nothing else, come to class just to Experience
the most incredible journey, the journey Inside Yourself.
Watch as people transform before your eyes! You like
Reality Shows? You will see the most heart-wrenching,
love-building, totally-let-down-the-walls
We're like a nudist colony for our Feelings.
We come naked
And we agree to accept each other just as we are.
And it's a beautiful thing.
plus, we are definitely a Colony, too.
like you'd think. everyone pitches in. everyone gets along. one BIG happy family.
when you run into another ND grad, you have an INSTANT CONNECTION, because
you both have been places that others don't go. You 'get it' about your feelings.
You know that Love is the answer, so you open up to that person right away.
many hug, even some very happy marriages between consenting ND grads.
---
as George Carlin said "My job is go find all the goofy shit and come back
and report it to you."
well, same here.
"My job is to watch how people handle their Feelings (and how they don't)
and come back and report it to you."
---
Get a Clue -- Get a Grip -- Get a LIFE!
Trust me, if you ain't in control of your Feelings and Emotions, you are NOT
in control of your life, period! Feelings run the show... whether you like
it or not. You'd better check out this site because you need to understand
what's going on inside you. We can teach you to identify and accept your body's
natural feelings and emotions, make friends with them, explore them, learn
from them and someday learn to adore them. Feelings are your Heart, and your
Soul and your life. Master your Feelings and Success and Happiness are yours.
Step in, read on. Love more, cry less. LIVE FREE > > >
published as header on TCOYF 9.10.05. 01:15 best yet.
Trust me, if you ain't in control of your Feelings and Emotions, you are NOT
in control of your life, period! Feelings run the show... whether you like
it or not. We can help you explore a whole new side of yourself - the Inside
-- to the depths of your being. That place where Love, and Joy, and Sadness,
and Anger, and Passion, and Sex, and Fun. Step in, read on. Love more, cry
less. LIVE FREE > > >
published as header on TCOYF 9.10.05. 05:37 even better.
---
The New Directions Get-a-Clue Weekend Intensive
Love more, hurt less LIVE FREE
The New Directions Live Free Weekend Intensive
my fav -> The New Directions Feeling and Healing Weekend Intensive
---
people want to be lead. like MP does.
with Love, and clarity.
he is putting his whole self into
he can do that
---
Here's how to do a keyword-filled email...
Handjobs. Hetero handjobs, see hot babes giving a teen handjobs in many handjob
movies. I love this handjobs porn site!
http://www.handjobs-porn.com
___
Handjobs
---
Let people YELL, really YELL!
and sing, and hard and as LOUD as they can.
("Maria, Maria" on Santana, Supernatural)
at 100%!
What do you DO at 100%?
What?
Anything?
Something. What?
The more the you know about yourself, the better your BEST can be!
You can PUSH yourself.
You can dig deep.
If it's you or me, dude, sorry, but you lose.
I know people were poor and helpless and infirmed.
but do you really think you would allow yourself, or your family, to be wandering
the streets for days? homeless and helpless?
I don't think so.
and I sure hope not.
We better learn how to Take Care of OURSELVES.
We better learn how to Kick some ass!
We better learn how to push ourselves when needed, to take care ourselves and
our families, to be strong and powerful and Aware. We're pretty comfortable,
as Americans, but we're being Rocked lately, and we'd better wake up and hear
the clues.
If you can't control your emotions, you can't control your life.
---
Get a Clue. Get a Life!
If you don't understand the world of Feelings and
Emotions, you are NOT in control of your life! Trust
me, your feelings run the show... whether you like
it or not… and they are the key to both Success
and Happiness. So you'd better understand them, make
friends with them, explore them, control them and maybe
even learn to adore them. Step in we'll teach you.
Love more, hurt less, LIVE FREE . . .
09.02.05 on tcoyf.com
---
where you are is where I wanna be.
in your eyes is everything I wanna see.
in the night, you are my dream
you're everything to meee--ee--ee.
you're the love,
Of my life
in my breath
in my prayers
take my hand
you there
what I need is you here
I can't forget, the taste of your mouth
from your lips, the heavens pour out.
when we are one
it's you alone and I am feeee-ee-eee.
every day, every night
you alone
you're the love of my life.
(awesome drums, fast)
then carlos goes at it.
every day, every night
you alone
you're the love of my life.
we'll go dancing in the moooonlight
with the starlight in your eyes
we'll go dancing til the sun rise
you and me, we're gonna dance, Dance, DA--....
(fantastic dancing, and Carlos get DOWN!)
---
I'm not the performer.
I'm the producer.
---
Create my story, interspersed with pictures
on MP.com
or start by adding pics to, make 'em read down a bit… it's
a good story.
---
Donna Steinhorn is one of the top coaches in the US
now, with Rhonda Britton.
Rhonda started by doing workshops on handling Fears,
only.
she would go from town to town and create and enroll
for her workshop.
ours, it's about the connection. the people. the love.
"
please, there a bunch of you and I want so bad for
everyone to get what they need from the class. Please
participate to the best of your ability. I get busy
helping other people and can't watch out for you as
much as I'd like to -- so help me out. I hope you now
are convinced that the issue IS the feelings… it
doesn't matter what you're Feeling about… the
issue is How to understand, control and manage your
Feelings. That's it. ANY other issues, you can get
through, as long as you have your Feeling Toolbox by
your side. with the right tools, you can build a skyscraper
of a life! when you're done with this life, do you
wanna look back and see that you did made it, but it
was pretty much a draaag. you constantly felt like
you were in a 'Survival mode', scraping by, scared,
not that great of relationships. I don't think so.
I know for me, I wanna go outta here going "Damn,
that was fun!" hard, but mostly Fun! I had it
all. Love, Joy, Peace, Freedom, Security, Pride, Respect.
I pushed myself to live on-the-edge and I experienced
SOOOOO much. I sure am glad I was able to manage my
Fears, so I could let myself do some wild and Crayzyz
things!!
phew.
I pushed myself to be my best… to go where I've
never been before, inside myself. Life was a true adventure,
because I enjoyed the 'E-ticket' ride of the Century… inside
me. Call me self-centered, but that's by far the most
interesting thing, to me, me.
---
thanks Carlos for helping beauty and beat to the journey
---
(alternate thread from above)
when people are processing, please join them. When
others are crying is the easiest, best, coolest time
to let yourself cry, as well. it's awesome, really,
and oh so healing.
Who else does that?
You HAVE ISSUES. Trust me, you have issues from your
past. Unless you've done conscious healing work on
yourself, your inner child, your past, your Feelings,
you ain't there. Seriously. There is no way that
---
---
when you Celebrate, you gotta have MUSIC along with!
Rocky
Titans Spirit
Top Gun
---
most people, when they start to cry, they try to stop
it or cut it off
not me.
I try to keep it going as long as I can.
to open my heart and let ALL the tears that need to
come out, come out.
sometimes even pushing gently to get it all
it's kinda hard for me to open (still). so when it
happens, I want to take the best advantage of it.
I usually try to bend over, as the pain and heaviness
comes out my mouth, and out into the universe.
ouch.
as I'm crying, I'm also checking for / allowing any
Anger, or actually ANY kind of noise or feeling, to
come up and out.
---
The bad news is if you've been trying to multi-task,
you've probably discovered what organizational psychologists
have observed to be decreasing accuracy and productivity
in post layoff climates. Multi- tasking is not a sustainable
answer to the too much to do and too few to do it problem!
The brain's executive control processes, the resource
allocators, are overstressed and the result is a measurable
time-cost.
The good news is there is a way to get it all done – efficiently
and without undue stress on your mental and emotional
resources – juggling! The difference between
the two is quite simple, and yet critical to your success.
Multi-tasking requires multiple items (responsibilities,
tasks or deadlines) in hand at the same time.
Juggling require only one item (responsibility, task
or deadline) in hand at a time, though often briefly
and on a recurring basis.
---
a 31-day program of ND Tips and Tricks.
---
Analysis vs. Processing of Feelings
therapists are trained in Analysis, Identification,
Labeling, Design a program, work the program, followup
we just work directly with the Feelings themselves.
we don't focus that much who you're mad at, or even why
we are just concerned that you are Angry.
Awareness, Identification, Expression of the Feeling itself.
we are experts in dealing with Feelings and Emotions.
Anger, Fear, Sadness, Depressed feelings, Guilt, Shame, Resentment, Control
Another difference:
Therapy is usually done in 1-, maybe 2-hour intervals.
we do about 30 hours all in one weekend.
we feel we can get better results that way:
- Allows the group to 'meld' into tight, close connections
- Gives folks time to 'go deep' into their heart and soul, to make core changes
and relieve stuck feelings that they've carried since they were very little
- we hit 'em Hard, getting right to the Heart of the matter!
---
Need to handle Head and Heart, practical and emotional
I have a judgement, and anger, about …
I have a judgment, and fear, about…
and figure out the mix… maybe 80% judgement… and changing it might
alleviate the entire situation.
or it may be more emotional… if you did this for me, it would help me
feel loved… but no real practical application… it just feels better.
---
where in your body, do you feel?
have to go to the bathroom lower abdomen
Anger hands, jaw, wall around my heart
old unexpressed anger, neck, shoulders, lower back
Sad Heart is heavy, fuller
Eyes, just beside and behind, filled with tears
Fear Lower back Fight or Flight - remedy? Anger. force grounding, no run, DECIDE
Back of my arms (fight)
general tension
ungrounded (flight)
out, out, out
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Lightness
Relief
Joy
Sunshine
Love
Peace
Serenity
(people know how to Run, but they don't know how to stand and Fight!
after, feel Proud, Powerful, Courage, 'nadlies', Fairness
how to deal with your own, and help others deal with theirs.
the more you know about yourself, the better you can get along with others.
Unhappy
Wimpy
Tired of having 'Potential', but not living up to it?
(written on a paper towel at the gym on a sat. morning when no one was there
to play 8-27-05)
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do lessons, like Coach T, did for coaching. help re: dealing with people
example: http://www.coachville.com/tourhowtocoach.html
he did 100
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Mistaken self-esteem.
think you're bad, but others see you dif.
stubborn refusal to look at oneself honestly and objectively
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Here are the '8 Steps to Building your Multiple Streams Business' AJL
Discover Your Niche Market
Elicit the Problems |