What People Say - Personal Testimonials from New Directions Graduates (ND)

The following are actual words written to us by ND grads. Printed with permission, of course.
The thing that gets me is look how MANY there are!! ... and these are just the ones from the last 2 years -- we've been teaching for 18! )
The majority of these posts were unsolicited.A few came from the answers to an email survey I did last year to help us improve ourselves.

btw,Confidentiality is very important to us to make sure our classes and people are always feel as Safe as we possibly can. Each of the statements below were approved, almost all in writing, by the people who said or wrote them. The fact is that these graduates, when asked if we could use their statements as a testimonial to ND the vast majority said something like, "Definitely! Please spread the word! Glad to help." Many even said, "Yes, I'd be honored!" Lately, I've been making a few personal notes, so you can get a better feel for the person behind the words.

Now, I am the one who is honored to present to you some of the kindest, most amazing words ever spoken about the New Directions Weekend and about Paula and my teachings and energy. We have been touched by you all. Thank you.
- Matt & Paula Perelstein
p.s. - I added some boldnicity for easier reading, but I don't want this to seem salesy. I'm just so excited about what people are getting, I want to SCREAM OUT to the world -- COME GET HEALED! -- our teachings are both Simple and Fast, we're Gentle and Loving and above all, PEOPLE HEAL -- IT WORKS!! I'll keep posting as I receive more ...
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Personal Experiences and Testimonials
about
the New Directions Weekend Intensive
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"My daughter called me this morning and thanked me for loving her enough to get her involed in ND. She said that it let her know just how much I love her."
- Terri. 2.7.06, after re-connecting with her estranged husband (separated 5 mo.), then bring her adult son thru to re-connect and heal with him… now bringing her adult daughter thru to let her BLAST out the anger and hurt and disappointment from a tough childhood so she could have an awesome adulthood, together. Dad (Patrick) shared, at graduation: "You've re-united my family. I can't thank you enough for that."

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" I had an opportunity to express my feelings to AJ on Sunday night. Totally at the intensity that I felt them; raw, total, and honest. It was perfect. And as a result, him and I are so much closer..."
- LJ, 28 2.7.06

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"The tool that I've been practicing most recently (especially with my mother, whom I visited in Texas in August) is:

Speaking up immediately instead of stuffing.
My mother tends very naturally toward negativity. (I don't suppose anybody here can relate to that?) I've asked her over and over not to do it, but she keeps "forgetting". When I last visited her two years ago, she got on a roll that lasted several days, and I just stuffed my reactions, hoping she would notice my lack of response and figure out that I wasn't digging it. She didn't read my mind, damn it, and I was pretty nearly insane by the time I left. This time, when she started in, within a couple of sentences, I interrupted her and simply said, very nicely, "Let's not go there." And guess what? She stopped. I don't even think she realizes she does it. We had a pretty darn nice visit, too, I must admit."

- Stacey 9.10.05
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" Wow, Shannon.
What a different person I am hearing in your posts during the last couple of months. The change is subtle (to some) but very powerful to me! You are an absolute testimonial for New Directions--how it works, how YOU can make it work. You are a shining example for those who may have doubts or may not understand how ND works.

I applaud and commend you for your courage, willingness to give, support and love those people who are in a tough emotional spot.

Thank you for being who you are! You are a gem. :-)

Hugs,
Gay" 9.10.05 on our online support group site http://Groups.msn.com/2GetHelp
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"I have seen many people like her break through emotional barriers such as hers during the New Directions workshop.

It's sad that we don't have a New Directions in major cities across the nation. A lot of people would find that there is hope, when they feel so hopeless, power, when they feel so powerless, love when they feel so unloved."

- Gay 9.9.05
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" The situation with her reminded me of something that happened at ND a while ago. There was a person who came through, and without giving any info about this person, my first thought in meeting this person is that there is no way to love them. I was frightened by that thought, b/c I know that even when I was at my most unlovable* angry, bitter, cynical and rude* I was still loved. Over the course of the weekend, I watched in awe at how Matt just loved that person. I was skeptical of any possible changes, despite Matt *and the others'* constant and firm love.... and lo and behold, at the end of the weekend, a change. A profound difference in the person that walked in that Friday night, and the person who walked out Sunday night. As most of the ND'ers know, that is common...

I know for ME, when I first found ND, I tested the hell out of Karen, Matt, Paula, Gay and Michele, and I am sure others ;) I pushed, I pulled, I bullied, etc. I said and did hurtful things to see how far I could go and still get love. And guess what? I am still here, being loved, and treasured and treated with respect. My initial behavior has not resulted in me being asked to leave, or me being treated as if I am not a part. I did make the choice to stick around to see what would happen as a result of my behavior and since learned the purpose in me behaving in that way. Again, no judgements..."

- L.J. 9.9.05
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" My favorite and most helpful things I learned at ND are:

Acceptance: To completely accept who you are, where you are at, and the fact it might take a while to get from where you want to go from where you are at the moment. Also, to accept where those people are around you for who they are and where they are at in their lives.

Also other's are:

Release: To release and truly feel those strong "negative" feelings we have, like anger, depression, sadness, grief, jealousy, bitterness, resentment. To feel those feelings, be okay with them, and then let them go.

Evaluating: This skill takes time and practice and requires you to be open about things you may not have wanted to see before or did not want to see about yourself or someone else before. Evaluating your life, your skills, your desires, wants and needs and deciding what they really mean to you and how they fit into what you want to be.

Risk: Taking risks is an essential tool in self-discovery. It isn't easy to let someone else in and talk about those painful things in our lives and trusting someone whether they are practically strangers or a loved one.

Celebration: I have learned one essential tool in life is celebration. To truly acknowledge and celebrate discoveries and change in your life and the lives of others. To congratulate yourself and others for progress and positive changes. Celebration is a tool to be used liberally both literally and figuratively.

Detachment: I have learned that in order to create a safe environment for myself within my dysfunctional family (and others I must work with) that I can utilize the practice of detachment to prevent myself from being emotionally or mentally harmed from the chaos and depression that looms over my family, and other negative emotions that are shot my way by co-workers, my client's, and my client's caregivers.

Patience: We are human beings and we were programmed from birth with most of our beliefs and patience is what we need to make it through the process of recovery and self-discovery into self-love and healthy thoughts and into dealing with our emotions in healthy ways (without getting angry, frustrated, or giving up because we are still doing the same self-destructive co-dependant behaviors that we did a year ago). Sometimes we are so eager to change ourselves that we push ourselves to strive for perfection and into change immediately, however, the process it takes to make long term positive change in ourselves and our thinking and in our behaviors takes time, practice, and observation. Along with patience comes kindness to ourselves and understanding of our human condition.

That's a few from me."

- Drena 9.7.05
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" YES! I have been doing LOTS of work on me!!!
I have had a few opportunities to to fill the void of loneliness with male company. I did meet someone shortly after Michael and I broke up, and I was very cautious about it. Yeah, I dug him, but I did not allow this to encompass my very being, and worked on the alone thing as well. As things progressed, I made some observations about him and the friendship that I was not cool with. This time it only took me a couple of months to realize/discover/choose that this was not a healthy person for me, and I stated this to him with no regrets. I have NO need for such negativity and dysfunction. End of story. I have also been 'asked out' (he he - quite a new concept for me as well) by two very nice 'aware' men. Although they are very nice, educated, seemingly 'well adjusted' men, I thanked them for their offers, risked, and told them that I was not ready for a relationship just yet! WOW!!!! Yes, my arm IS still quite sore from all the patting myself on the back!!!! Whoo hooo!!!! Yep, pretty damned cool.... Yes, I am lonely and sad at times, but it's a part of the process, and I am very aware of my triggers and what's going on with me. I have been a 'couch dweller' lately, and have been eating more than 'usual', but I realize I'm feeding more than hunger. In saying that, I am perfectly ok with a little extra snacking, as opposed to my past habit of filling the void with unhealthy relationships. When I become aware of what I'm doing (or about to do, hand on the freezer door, answering the call of Ben and Jerry's), I ask myself what I'm feeding, and have the choice to acknowledge it, deal with it and move on/focus my energy on painting or drawing, or cello/eat the ice cream. Whatever the outcome is, I understand I have choices, and I don't feel bad or wrong or shameful about whichever I choose! It is what it is at the time. That's pretty cool awareness for me too. This is amazing - this ND thing!! how things continue to click into place. I am not sure if Christine told you or not, but a few weeks ago, I was sitting at my desk at work and it hit me 'whoa! I GET it!!! I'm DOING it!!!!!!'

I am so glad that Christine gave me that loving push, and again, for the millionth time, glad that I found ND."

- Jan 9.6.05 2 years later.

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" Hi Matt, I always told you new directions gave me back my complete soul after my hysterectomy and the abusive relationships I have had..."

- Paula E. 9.6.05
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" Hey Matt,
How are you? I am doing well. I am still in North Carolina and I love it. I have a wonderful job with a bunch of wonderful people. I am doing great thanks to you and everyone that supported me. I also have some great news, I getting married August 5th 2006 in California of course. He knows all about me (the ugly stuff and he still loves me). I am free to be me and that would have never happened if I had never met you and the rest of the crew. Tell everyone I said, HI!! And thanks for everything but MOST IMPORTANTLY THANKS FOR LOVING ME WHEN I DIDN'T FEEL LOVABLE. Can you believe it: I AM GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!

I LOVE ALL OF YOU SO MUCH!!"

- Dieshawn 9.3.05

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"Think about how many people are out there Matt! One in THREE women will be molested by the time they are 18 years old. ONE in FOUR men will be molested by the time they are 18 years old. That's one million for every three million women, and one million for every four million men!

What you and Paula do is so powerful. It works, Matt. I'm a living testament to that. It took personal effort, granted, but without having a safe place to process all that Yuck I would still be walking around in so much pain. My kids would be hurting. Michael and I would be divorced. My friend Jan would be dead. . . DEAD!

People connect to "real" people. They connect to real life issues - and when you're hurting, you don't want somebody blowing sunshine and roses up your ass! I remember a cousin of mine who used to go on and on about "Just give your pain up to Jesus, He will heal you!" It got so that I wanted to strangle her! Give it up to Jesus? How does that work? What does that look like? I was on my knees every damn night crying for relief! I spent thousands in therapy. I DID NOT get better until Directions! It works! So lets bring that powerful message to as many as we can!

Luv ya!

See you soon!"

- Christine 8.30.05
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" Hey Matt! Just dropping a note to let you know that Debbie and I are on a high! We’ve really progressed in our relationship and life has been wonderful. There are many things that have helped me be a better person and face my fears. You are one of them. Had I not attended that weekend 16 months ago, I’d still be afraid of being who I really am. I like me today and I like giving of myself openly to other people.

Anyway, I felt compelled to share this with you since I just read one of your e-mails. I know it has been a while since we chatted, but believe me when I say you are doing some awesome work. It must be challenging at times but you do make a difference.

Carry on and help others, you and the whole crew are truly blessed!!!"

-Jeff 8.29.05

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" More than anything, New Directions placed me in an environment where real people became my role models. I had been shut down for so long that I had no idea what feelings even looked like anymore. Being with others who were expressing sadness, joy, anger, fear, the whole range of emotions that for so long I refused to feel, I was able to "try out" some of the expressions I saw. When I cried authentically for the first time in 20 years, it was as if someone flipped the switch, turning the world from black and white to color! Yes I was crying, but I was SO incredibly relieved!!! After allowing my body to feel the sadness, I was able to move on freely, without the burden of the grief I'd been carrying for so long."

-AJ/Andrew 8.26.05

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"One of the things I learned at New Directions the last time I went was Scriptural. We are to "love others as we love ourselves." We stood out for me was the idea that, in spite of the fact that the phrase "as we love ourselves" comes *second*, it is actually first in order of priority. How can we love others if we don't first love ourselves. The statement is a command, "Love yourself." Far be it from me to disobey the Creator of the Universe! In other words, it is His delight to see us take care of ourselves. This idea is reiterated in the allegory of the splinter in our brother's eye. First, remove the beam in our own eye; then, we can see to help our brother."

- John (LCSW 8.25.05)
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"You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."
- Buddha
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" The willingness of the instructors to be as open and vulnerable as the rest of us. It's the truth that sets us free. And the truth for a lot of us is not found in hiding in leadership roles or in our comfort zones. It's found in our God given freedom of choice. No judgments, in spite of fear, accepting ourselves the way we are. In a safe environment like ND we have opportunity to experience freedom. Freedom to look at new ideas, old beliefs, new beliefs, and an interesting way to express our feelings in a safe acceptable and supportive way. The freedom to change and the ability to grow. It's opportunities for healing, makes one feel alive. What a blessing for my family and I to break the chains of generations. To walk in the moment, the now.For this moment is all we have and will ever have.It is in the now that I feel most alive. I like to feel alive. It feels familiar. It feels the way I used to feel when I was a little boy. I thank God for ND."

- Patrick
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"WOW!!
ND has given me So much. Feelings first of all. Awareness of life & things that had happen to me which I had stuck way down deep & didn't know was there. A new life & how I can now give that back to other people. Friends & family that really care, fun, laughter, light heartedness(if that is a word), a brand new me. Full of love for myself, love to other people, no judgments, a new language, freedom to change when I am ready to change."
- Michele 08.22.05
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"ND offered me a place to really, totally, completely Express myself -- not only to myself, but (oh, so importantly) to another human being who wouldn't judge me or reject me. I have been able to acknowledge, feel and release many of the past "issues" I carried around inside me, that choked me and ruined my life experience.

ND offered me a place to learn how to deal with my emotions in a healthy fashion. My parents didn't know how. Their parents didn't know how, so I grew up handling my feelings and emotions the way they did -- yuck. Now, I have found a different way. A way that works, for me and for the others in my life.

ND offered me a place to care. To put my needs/feelings aside for a moment to reach out to others, to Totally be there for them, to connect with them and to help them heal.

ND helped me Like people, to talk to them, to enjoy them, rather than being afraid of them.

ND gave me a feeling about myself and my life that I had wanted and longed for, but couldn't find anywhere else.

Thanks, God, for putting ND in my life!"
- Matt (yep, it works for me, too -- that's why I've been doing it and teaching it for so long!) 8.22.05
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"ND offered me a safe environment, free from judgement, threats, or putdowns, in which I could truly share my feelings. Because of that safe environment, I was able to truly be aware, feel, and express a great deal of fear, anger and sadness, I'd been holding onto my whole life. I learned I didn't have to hide from people at ND, that I would be accepted, which allowed me focus on what emotions I myself had been running from for so long.

At ND I also learned the "numbness" achieved through SI that I found so comforting in the past is a frightening, hollow, empty feeling, compared to the freedom and personal power I felt when fully expressing my emotions."

- Shannon 8.22.05
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"ND offered me freedom. Freedom from fear. Freedom to be who I am,without worrying about being accepted. A freedom to love and be loved."

- Terri 8.20.05
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"ND stands for "New Directions." It is the program that I was telling you about. It is weekend workshop offered here in Fresno by two awesome people named Matt and Paula. Matt is the creator of this website. His moniker is "Matt the Motivator." It is a workshop that many of us have attended to learn how to deal with our emotions. The concepts are unlike anything you will find in conventional therapy. M.K. Downing, or Doc Downing, who is a family therapist here in Fresno, holds the workshops at his clinic called, "Family Communications Center." It's an awesome workshop, run by awesome people, who will help you to teach you the tools to begin to reshape your emotional life, and your physical life. Sounds too good to be true, huh? It's not. It really, really works. I can tell you personally that it has saved many lives. Some of them are people I know and love who I brought through the program. Without the tools they learned at this workshop, some of them would not be here today - they would have gone on to take their life as they had planned to do, and some had attempted to do, before taking the course and then returning every couple of months as an assistant to further their growth.

Matt and I are working to update the website, but here's the web site address: www.newdirectionsworkshop.com.

Check it out!"

~ Christine 8.13.05
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" After having been at ND I know realize, for all our similarities, shared experiences, or the similar tools we each learn, we are all individuals and each person walks away from the weekend with their own experience of what New Directions truly is. I can tell you it was the best weekend of my life and that I'm forever changed by it.

If you care to learn more about it, check out this link: http://www.newdirectionsworkshop.com/

I pray one day you can attend and experience ND for yourself!"

- Shannon 8.13.05
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"New Directions is a place that no matter where you are in your learning process, or what problems you have in life, you will walk away with new information. This has been a journey in learning for me and I would like to share this part of my personal growth with each and every person I meet. "

- Lori Seargeant ND instructor and participant for over 12 years

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" At ND I experienced a freedom that I found no where else. A freedom to be open and express myself without worrying about not being accepted and loved.I also experienced a freedom of fear. A freedom to face my fears which allowed me to learn and grow. A freedom to love and be loved."

- Terri 8.20.05
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"I'm feeling more secure about me... I've separated myself from a few external judgments, let go of a few self imposed ones... released some emotions that I had stored specifically for use in being supportive of my partner (ie, matching)... seeing others' expectations of me for what they really are: just simple hopes that I will be okay... and realizing that, regardless of their fears, I'm doing life just fine. If I die tomorrow, I'll have no regrets.
From this place, happiness seems attainable."

- Andrew 8.2.05

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"I would also like to say that I have never in my life experienced the type of love and support that is developed in such a short period of time, until I attended a ND weekend." - Terri
7.29.05 a few weeks after her second class, where she came with her separated husband and their adult son, trying to put their family back together. (and it's working... yaahoo. we're so happy for them - they're wonderful people!)

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"I have been practicing setting boundarys without getting out of control angry. Since I dealt with some intense childhood pain and anger in class, it seems easier to express myself without anger." - Terri again (see? understanding your Feelings can greatly improve your personal Communication skills)

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Matt and Paula, Thank you so much for the atmosphere you created for all of us last weekend. As hot as it was, it didn't seem to matter, we were embraced in His incredible presence. I had a lot of people praying for us and you were His most gracious hosts. Matt said that we were co-conspirators. I would say that we are more soul-mates. The Word says, "knit together in heart and mind". I would like to participate in September but I will be out of town, so I have to wait until November. By then, who knows how many people we may be able to convince to come? Looking forward to seeing you again. love, Sabrina 7.23.05
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What I Learned at New Directions
by Shannon, 28, still single, very painful childhood, had incredibly low self-esteem, works for her mom (yikes)
borrowed money for a plane ticket from Illinois to take the July class
now she wants to move here!

I know I will be adding more items to this list because I keep thinking of more and more (isn't that great!). In fact, I've begun carrying a small notebook so I can write them down as they come to me. These items are in no particular order and some of them may fit for you, or perhaps none at all, and that's ok. However, I wanted to take some time to share them with all of you.

While at ND I learned:


7.20.05 after her first class

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from our loving and supportive online group on MSN. - - http://groups.msn.com/2GetHelp
Hello Everyone,

Just wanted ya'll to know I'm appreciatin' each of you. I want to extend many thanks to the special people who encouraged, accepted, and truly listened to me this weekend. I learned so much about myself, faced many fears, and I'm proud of myself for the first time in, well, since I remember.

Thanks again for accepting me into the ND family!
-Shannon 7.21.05 again, a few days later.
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Hi Shannon,

Thank you for sharing with us what you have learned at the weekend. From what I’ve been hearing it was an excellent class. I can tell you from my perspective, it is an awesome experience to be able to witness that light going on, and to see the transformation in people’s countenance when that moment comes and they “get it.” Matt and Paula are indeed conduits, and God does work through them – even for those who don’t acknowledge him.

Look forward to hearing more of what Shannon and all of the ND graduates have learned.

- Christine
ND pro of 12+ years, see Christine's story
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Shannon,
Tears of joy filled my eyes when I read your list of things you learned at New Directions. What an amazing journey you have been on, and what an amazing group of people with whom to travel! You belong with people who care, because you have much to offer! Thank you for being here.
- John, LCSW
another veteran of 14+ years, has referred numerous clients to ND over the years.
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Dear Shannon,

Your list is awesome! I love it! I'm so glad for you that you were able to experience ND (not just hear about how great it is). It has been my hope for you ever since I became a member of this group. I wish everyone could benefit from it, of course, but I felt especially close to you and have shared so much with you. Those items on the list will become more than just items, as time goes by. I have found that so many situations have come up for me where I was able to make different choices than those I made in the past - because I went to ND and learned.

You are a very intelligent, loving and caring person. I am so happy for you that you are on your way to experiencing the wonder of discovering your authentic self!

I do hope I will be able to see you in January! Hopefully, no crisis will arise!

Take care,
- Gay
yet Another pro of 6 years or so. Gay has TOTALLY changed her attitude, self-esteem and outlook via ND. Ask her, she just loves to talk about it!

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Hi Matt,
It was great meeting you and Paula and everyone else, such a wonderful group of people!
I think the most important thing I took away from the class was the knowledge that I do have a choices in how I deal with my emotions.

I don't have to let pain rule my behavior. It would have been so easy to give into the very strong temptations to cut or drink or even suicide just to end the suffering. I know I had Sabrina and others praying for me because each time I was tempted I was reminded of my Personal Power and that I would be allowing Satan victory over me.

Thank you again for the incredible weekend,
- Kathy
40ish, married, 2 kids, meak and fearful, found her PP (personal power) in class!
7.23.05, a week after her 1st class

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Matt, Thank you for caring - Michelle E.
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Dear Matt,

You're a big part of helping me learn to be more trusting of very good men. I love your joyfulness. Than you for everything.

Love, Diane
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Matt -
There are no words to express what you have done for me this weekend. I have never felt this way before in my life - I will be back to assist because I want to give back.
Love, Jenny xxoo

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Matt, I'll be your co-pilot anytime! Just let me know when and where and I'll be there. - Andrew :c)
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"ND is the #1 coolest thing I've ever done in my life -- for real!"
- Sydney R. 7 years after her 1st class

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" I am willing to tell ANYONE how the course made a difference in my relationship with my father. I was the only one who changed and I cleaned everything up FOR ME. I then had many years of an open and loving relationship with Dad and had many wonderful visits with him. He was 84, ready to "go," and I feel totally complete with our life together."
- Val, 6.24.05

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" Personal power rocks! Thanks Matt!"
- L.J. 2.4.05

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"...it does make me sad sometimes to see them, where they are, b/c I know a different way. I have found something that completely transformed my life. A way that gives me control of my life, my feelings, and everything I do. Me. Only me. Sometimes it's hard to watch, but I believe in watching, I develop a more acute ability to be empathetic, and compassionate. There is nothing I can do, other than love them where they are, and in doing that, it helps me. It teaches me, helps me grow, stretch, and let go. I thank God for where I am, and where I am going. I thank Him for giving me ND, and the family I have created there is powerful. Thanks God. :)"
- L.J. 2.4.05

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"...I allowed her in, and listened to her tell me about New Directions, and how she felt it would make me feel better. I had tried it all, and thought that this would be IT. If this didn't 'work', then I was giving up. I also had it planned ~ I would go to this 'seminar' and tell them what they wanted to hear, yada yada.... go through the motions, just like I was going through life, just like I did with the doctors.. Let them talk, give me another medication, and then I was 'better'. I would play along, and they couldn't 'get to me'. The rest is history, and I thank her to this day, for giving me such a wonderful gift! Yes, ND WORKS!!!! Am I 'fixed'?? Goodness no, but if I were, that would mean that the learing and growing is over, and I am having FUN with it!!"

"ND has been like a 'time release' pill for me... months, years later, I continue to have "ah HA!" moments, and things start clicking into place, and I learn more, and understand more, and change more."
- Jan. J. 2.3.05

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Hello everyone! L.J. here! Well on Friday, I received a thanks but no thanks letter from the police dept, regarding the dispatch job I really wanted. As soon as I saw the envelope, I knew what it was, and even though logically I worked it out that it wouldn't be the best job for me, I was still sad.

What was sooo great about the whole thing was, I was able to just be sad about it. My head wanted to go into logic mode, and I totally said, "Nope, gonna feel this one out". I felt it, recognized it felt like a rejection, which doesn't feel good, and I let it go. Then I let my head kick into logic mode and I was in SUCH a great mood afterwards. Before ND, and this work, I would have let that send me into a tailspin. Not this time. I let it go! Woo hooo!

So, just wanted to post that, and say hello!
- L.J

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"It is difficult for me to find me all the time or to know who I am. I never was able to wrap my mind around that I struggled with "who am I" as an issue until I started going to see Doc Downing (my therapist) and when I went to "New Directions" seven years ago."
- Ken H. 1.22.05

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"I am doing well. I have a new boyfriend now and we love each other very much. I am very happy. I could have never been this woman again or been with this guy before New Directions. It changed my life and gave me life. Forever grateful to you and Paula."
- Paula 1.25.05

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Hey Matt, this was sooo cool that you emailed this... I briefly mentioned my experience with sharing ND to people in my life that I love...That was a while ago, and this past week, several people who have been watching me for over a year now, are banging down my door, wanting to know about it...NEEDING TO KNOW! My brother's best friend and I talk all the time. He lives with us so I guess you could call him a roomie...Him and I talked for 3 hours last night. He did most of the talking, and then I remembered I had a copy of the EVENT-MEANING-FEELING-BEHAVIOR exercise! I asked him if he wanted to do it, and he did...He was so excited after we were done talking, he said that he wanted to get me to go talk to his mom and step dad, to see if they could go together!!!!!! Oh MY goodness! I was so excited... My friend Nikki plans on going to the next ND. She is in a huge mess, but already has the money set aside!

So, that was really cool that you sent that email...The reason? B/c it reaffirmed me talking about ND like it's the thing to do :) I have learned though, not to say too much b/c it can be overwhelming, and I have my points I make , but it's really cool to see the people I love going..." L.J's got something, and I want it!" Hehe!

Well, just wanted to tell ya, your idea is right on! And I will keep mouthin off! You know it!
- LJ

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"The way I see it, I don't have to EVER say one word about ND,and people would ask me about it anyway! I don't do the things other people do, I look at life different, I react totally different....Let's face it, I am TOTALLY different. So even if someone doesn't wanna talk about it, too bad, b/c people are watching, and can sense change....like wolves :) hehehe.. bad analogy but you get my point."
- LJ

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Matt,

I am good , thanks for noticing! :) I got an idea while at class this weekend. Last Directions, I made a list of things that are good about me, ;) and I have been transferring those to 3x5 cards, as well as some quotes, insights and processing tips you have on your website. I am getting a HUGE corkboard this weekend, and I am going to put it up on my wall, to pin up the cards. Not to mention my love notes! I feel like I did a lot of good work this weekend, and aquired more tools, so I think it's a good idea to have that constant reinforcement of them where I can look at them every day. Like a motivational wall. :)

The class was great for me, by the way, and I really learned a lot, from each person, and last night I sat and journaled what I learned from each person. Everyone was on my list, even the people that I didn't think I would learn anything from. Haha. Interesting how that works! It really helped, and just an FYI, M. called on Sunday night, in his blaming mode, and instead of tearing him apart(which was an old tool, hehe) I just listened to him, and told him I heard him. That totally took the wind out of his sails! Doing it different feels great! Weren't you the one who said to me once, if the only tool I have in my box is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail? Well, I did it different! :) Thanks for all of your help, and really listening to me, reading my list, and helping me focus. That made me feel really valued, and while it's hard to take in, you are one of the few, that I can trust, and know I am valued. :) Thanks again Matt!

Lastly, I really wanted to point out when you kept reminding certain people to come from the heart, and come from love, that struck a cord with me, and really helped me working with people this weekend. You are a loving person, and it showed!

Have a great week, and maybe I will post something on the website soon. I have lots to say :)

Take care,
- LJ 1.18.05

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Hi Matt!
We surely have appreciated what you have done for us. God used you to further the healing process in our lives. J. had a pastor/mentor/friend die in Early December and as a result, miracles have begun to happen in his life again. He has been clean, sober and even chewing tobacco free, for about 1 month now. While in Hawaii for the funeral, he learned how to grieve again and came back a new man. He is beautiful.

I'm doing better since the last New Directions also. I have seen a new acceptance for myself (faults and all) now that I have learned to love myself. I am having a difficult time adjusting to my new role now that J. is fully present and engaged again, but I think that is to be expected. God has been giving me the courage to trust again. There is no life or love without risks, but it is still taking awhile. Some things you just can't believe until they are lived out for awhile.

I hope you and Paula are doing well and your business continues to thrive. What an incredible blessing you are!
- A.N. 1.18.05

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Hi Matt,
I learned that I am the one controlling my life - I am the one that makes things happen. I also learned that good can come out of something that doesn't seem good at the time. I also learned that everything has a reason, and it's not always obvious what the reason is at the moment. I can get through the pain and disappointment and not die from it. I can look at things from another point of view. I can be my own worst enemy or my own best friend. I don't need other people to define my value as a person.

There's probably more - I just haven't thought of it yet.

Take care and see you soon!

Hugs,
Gay

P.S. It's even ok to maek msitkaes.
1.6.05

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" I want to thank all of you (especially Matt and Paula) who have been giving me support and encouragement throughout this period. It has not been easy or fun for me, especially at my age, but I have gotten through it. I know this: if I hadn't been involved in ND and Huge Group Therapy, I would not have handled it as well. I have been out of work in the past, and had no support system. This time was different. I always knew there was someone I could call and talk to if I started to feel depressed. I went to several New Directions seminars, many Saturday groups and also the ART group - they were all very helpful and supportive. I gained a lot of strength and insight which helped me focus on learning from this experience.

So, thanks again for all your support and encouragement. This couldn't have happened at a better time!"
- G.S. 1.1.05

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"You know life is a journey with many steps and obstacles along the way. Some of the obstacles feel like roadblocks that we are unable to move past. New Directions helped me (and many, many others) get rid of the roadblocks so I could move forward in my life. Without ND I would still be circling around, having the same things happen over and over and not be able to make positive moves in my life. I was stuck in a rut, still hanging on to the same fears and patterns and now I am free of those fears and have made many new and exciting choices for myself and my children. Sometimes it takes getting out of your comfort zone to make new things happen and ND helps you to move out of your comfort zone with tons of support and love so you can make the positive changes necessary to move past the roadblocks."
- Helen T. 1.4.05 (10 years after her 1st ND)

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Matt: "Hey Shauna: I've been thinking of you and wondering how you've been doing since class! You left with a HUGE smile on your face and a renewed spring in your step! How's it going now? what did you learn?"

Shauna: "I'm still doing well. Calmer. Lots of thoughts and new ways of thinking about certain things have been with me, which is a real good thing. School is almost out, this is finals week, two more to go! Woo Hoo. I am more clear about what I want in the future, and what is blocking me. I am very open with Geoff about how I feel and what I am willing to do and not willing to do, and if he wants any changes other than the ones I'm making than he is responsible for that himself. I am really beginning to see how much fear I have around being close to people..."
- 12/15/04 (about a month after class)

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Thanks Matt,,,,,,,,,,,, Happy Thanksgiving to you and Paula,, New Directions has caught up with me and oh so well do I feel.......... My soul feels more alive than in years!
- Paula (11.26.04, 3 days after her 1st class)

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" I went to ND this weekend and it was awesome. I did some really good work on myself (even though I was assisting), and took some risks - got out of my comfort zone. It was all good. This program is so fantastic for people who want to continually work on their life issues and also help other people to do the same."
- Gay 11/22/04

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" The greatest thing about where I am now compared to where I used to be, is that I am no longer paralyzed by these feelings and situations. I feel the feelings, but I MOVE through them."
- Jen 11.09.04

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“It’s the best seminar of its type that I’ve ever taken in 40 years of working on myself. I highly recommend this introspective course to anyone who really wants to understand what makes them tick.”
- Rev. Don D.

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“Since taking the workshop I have been able to really take a look at myself and understand how certain events that happened to me in my childhood. adolescent and adulthood years thwarted my growth as a mother, wife, and friend. Now I have learned and am still learning how to constructively deal with my life issues by dealing with my anger in a safe group setting. I feel so much more free to be the real me.”
- Susan A.

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“ ...there is no NORMAL, only degrees of freedom or degrees of bondage. The real tragedy of human life is that people don't realize they are prisoners of themselves. I value my freedom from my pain, anger, and fear more than anything else in the entire world and I feel privileged that I was able to share my JOY and my ELATION with you.”
- Drena J.

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"If only I could really, really let you know the powerful outcome that is still trickling down from our workshop weekend. Now my kids openly and willing talk about others and their unacceptable behavior, with a real understanding of that life style not being normal or healthy. It's incredible and without a doubt it began with this program. Thank you so much. You are all a huge blessing."
- Terri B.

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"I want to thank you for this past weekend in Fresno. I feel like you saved my life - or a part of it I had lost. You did an awesome thing to step in as my son. I am still overwhelmed by the experience. I was terrified of revisiting that scary place in me that hurt so bad. I did not cry at my son's funeral. It was a lovely funeral, a beautiful day, the church was packed to overflowing. I was quite the picture of perfect Christian peace as if I was a hostess at a grand affair. I only allowed myself to cry once after he died and that was when I was alone and sorting through his clothes for goodwill. My cry was like a wail in my ears and it frightened me so that I never cried again. I was sure I would die, it hurt so bad. This past weekend, I allowed myself to go to that scary dark place again and feel the pain all over. I was overcome by the agony of losing him but the miracle is I did not have to say there... and I did not die.

I feel like I don't have to be afraid of remembering him now because I know I won't die of sorrow. I thought all about him for the past two days and I'm still alive. I feel heavenly blue inside and that makes me feel like I am carrying a part of him with me. I am using the word FEEL a whole lot - maybe too much for proper English but I have been so afraid to let myself FEEL for so long because it hurt too damn bad.

This is why I want to thank you. You helped give me my son back. I can remember him now. I can cry and yet know that I don't have to stay in sorrow or pain. I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I do know that my son is going with me. He is in my heart and in my memories. His name was Andrew Michael and he was 13 when he died.

Thank you."
- Linda K. 9.16.4

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" What a weekend it was! I feel good. Just that... good. Like, life isn't up and down, just a happy medium. Today my husband came home with a six pack of beer and I was so upset. Normally, I would just fume for awhile and let the anger slowly drain off me (stuff it), but today was different! He went in the back yard to say hi to the kids and as soon as he did, I went in one of the bedrooms, closed the door, and screamed! I just yelled that I was "SO ANGRY!" I even grabbed a pillow and used it to hit the floor a couple times. After a couple minutes, I started feeling much better. So much better that I came out of the room and by then the family was coming back inside. When my daughter (4) came in the door, she said, "What's wrong Mom?" Instead of pretending it was nothing I said, "I am really angry at your Dad." She asked what it was about and I told her it didn't matter, but I was angry nonetheless. Then I suddenly had a thought (had to be God) and said, "Do you want to join me in an angry dance?" She and my 3 year old son thought that sounded great, so right there in the dining room, in front of my husband and 1 year old, we started dancing and yelling. It was great!! Then we began to run in circles around the kitchen yelling too. That was even better! By the time we were done, we were laughing, I felt a lot better, and my kids knew that Mommy could be mad at Daddy without it being a big deal. Most of the anger and resentment were gone and I was left with a happy family... even my husband scooped up the baby and joined us in the last run. That was wonderful, because it was the beginning of taking what we had learned this weekend, and applying it to myself and my family in a practical way.

I FEEL better and look forward to more of the same!"
- A.N. 9.15.4

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" I recommend New Directions to people who:

I also believe it is helpful to experience first-hand what you are referring your clients to..."

- Doc Downing, PhD, LMFT, MSW
(from a letter sent to all therapists in Fresno in 2003)

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Hi Matt,
I'm doing great, actually.
The first few days after the program I was a little shaky. I was sad because the safety and security of the workshop was over. But within a few days I began reading Doc's book and reinforcing the new skills I have learned. I'm working on my anger journal right now. It is amazing to me how many times a day I get angry and in the past I have turned it inward and gotten sad or hurt instead of angry.
I'm also working on feeling the feeling and not letting it be right or wrong. I got angry last night after about 7 hours of living in sadness and punishing myself with food. I broke down and started crying and realized how mad I actually was. After I got angry I felt better. I woke up today still irritated with the situation and have been ruminating over it all day. And I finally got down to the heart of the matter, that I wasn't angry at the current situation, I was angry at what the situation represents for me historically. So while I thought I was mad at my boyfriend, I'm really mad at my dad. So I'm planning on going home tonight and getting angry at him for a while.
The anger part is still new for me, it being ok, actually saying "I'm angry" out loud, but I've kept it in so long that it's time to get rid of it.
I am so thankful for New Directions and how it has made it ok for me to feel again. I don't think my boyfriend realizes yet how thankful he will be someday for ND too.
I finally realized the difference between being an emotional person and being a feeling person.

Thanks for all that you did to make it safe for me to be real.

How are things going for you? Well I hope.

Blessings,
Kim (11.01.04)

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"After completing the workshop, I have felt so much more confident in myself and abilities and I have conquered some of my other fears and have tried new things that I was scared to do before because of bad experiences. I am not talking about meeting new people or the issues that I disclosed during the workshop... ...I now realize that fear can prevent you from living life to its fullest. I have found out that almost everything that I fear turns out okay. I over worry for nothing. I have been so much happier since the workshop. It seems that not much has been bothering me or gets me angry. I hope that this feeling lasts. Every morning when I get up and walk by and see that heart shaped pin on my wall that says that I choose to feel alive, it is a good reminder for me to live life to its fullest. Thank you both for caring and supporting me during the workshop."
- John L. 8.12.04


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"A rare jewel of self discovery!"
- Gretchen M.


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Hi Matt:
I want to say "Thank you" again so much! This is an awesome thing you do for people. Thanks for your patience and your support. I'm looking forward to coming back and working more on myself, I know there's a lot more work to be done. I do however feel so much better just having started. I am also looking forward to helping others get the relief of getting out their "garbage".

I wish you well this weekend! See ya later~
- Annette


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Hello!
I had a free moment and wanted to thank you all for trusting and sharing this past weekend. ND has made a tremendous impact upon my life, and continues to do so with each return visit!! I hope to keep in touch with everyone, and please pass on the good word about the program. It truly is a blessing.
Take care!
- Jan J. (again)


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Hi Matt- I would be honored if you quoted me.....
You guys are like the auto mechanic who does such a great job tuning up the old clunker that he never sees it again, but it's out there being driven every day, it just works a lot better and it doesn't break down anymore.
- Tom P.

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The following 4 testimonials were the answers to Questions 11-13 of an informal Survey I sent out to grads over a year ago.
The others more operational questions about time, location, materials, safety, etc. and mostly all received scores of 9 or 10.

- Tom

11. What did you gain from taking ND? Self-confidence, decreased shyness and self-consciousness, better understanding and control of feelings, increased ability to help others, increased sensitivity and compassion for others, increased sense of contentment and well-being....

12. How has your life changed since then? I am a better and happier person, better to others and to myself...

13. How have your relationships changed? Better in that I'm more thoughtful and helpful, less selfish and more caring, but also happier, see the good in others.

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- J. G.

11. What did you gain from taking ND? Get out anger

12. How has your life changed since then? I am less anxious

13. How have your relationships changed? When I am less anxious, everyone around me appears calmer

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- Shauna

11. What did you gain from taking ND? I gained much knowledge that I am not the only one out there that is willing to let out that old, deep, dark, things that had haunted me for years. Also, that I was not alone in being able to put the original blame where it belonged. I didn't have to be alone anymore. Then I took the time and made the decisions on how much to let others in to my space, and how much of myself to allow into theirs.

12. How has your life changed since then? I have continued to grow, learn and change my thoughts and behaviors.

13. How have your relationships changed? Greatly! They have either became stronger (not always easier at first) or I have been able to let them go. My relationship with myself has seen the greatest change, I like and respect me so much more!

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- Jennifer

11. What did you gain from taking ND? SO MUCH! A support group, confidence in myself, and knowing that I am not alone in the challenges I face or the feelings I feel.

12. How has your life changed since then? My life is always changing, because I like to keep growing. My marriage is better, I am more accepting of myself and others, and I am now a dedicated vegetarian.

13. How have your relationships changed? I am really starting to feel more and more clear about what Doc calls value-for-value relationships. Those are the kind I like. I feel flexible about my relationships, but only within my boundaries. I am feeling done with one-way friendships, and that is going to make some people around me sad, because I am ready to stop giving to those relationships.

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Matt,
I have never felt so good before. I'm on a "love high", I have had to work hard a few times to stay grounded. I got a little "cosmic" yesterday. I tried to describe this to a friend today, and she said it was the "holy spirit" I was feeling. Well, that's as good a description as any, I guess.

My relationship to Rebecca is incredible. I finally can feel her love and return it, with no complications. I am in complete awe of Valerie. The noblist of sacrifices. I know this must of hurt her and a lesser person couldn't have done this. What a gift to both Rebecca and myself! R. and I spent Monday together, and it was the best day of my life! When she took me to the airport, I finally released it all and cried like a baby when they called my flight. It felt good to be able to do this.

I learned something from each person in the class and so much about myself. Truly a transformative experience!

thank you for doing this, Matt! For myself, others and the world!

Hey, can you send electronic versions of the pictures you took of the group and the three of us? Keep in touch, I wish you all the best.
- Jeff

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Hey, you! Very good weekend, my friend. Lots of growth, lots of love...

Thank you again for a lovely, tearful weekend. You know, when I give you feedback, it's not a criticism, it's just information. I adore you, admire you, and know that you are a total gift to this planet. Yes, I do believe it's called unconditional love.
- Valerie (again)

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"Paula & Matt,
I want to say thank you for starting New Directions. I don't think you fully appreciate what last weekend meant and did for me. I have recommended the program to my pastor and other friends and your ministry is in my prayers. Paula you were correct in that I was sitting there Friday night as a block of stone, you just picked the wrong type. You said granite but I ended up being sandstone. I don't know if you have been to Lake Powell in Az but the canyons there are sandstone and quite beautiful. What formed their beauty was the flow of water. Why I say I was sandstone is that as everyone helped me lower my defenses and let my emotions show. The tears cut away at the rock and let me see who I am, and that I am all I need to be.

I pull on what I learned that weekend often. Learning the difference between anger and rage has helped a great deal. Also allowing myself to be sad and knowing how to bring myself back. Knowing that there are reasons for feeling the different emotions and that we need to feel them."
- G. S.

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"New Directions has changed my life in many ways large and small. The first thing that happened to me in my very first class (August 1989) on the very first night was the safety and security to finally begin to grieve the death of my mother (16 years from then). It was an incredible experience, such a relief and so cleansing. The next day I got to find out that I was not the only person there experiencing panic anxiety and again was given the safety and security to work through the feelings without masking or running from the anxiety. So that was just my personal stuff, then my husband was there with me and we got to do alot of work on our feelings about the relationship. It was a very busy weekend and I was validated, encouraged and loved through it all.

I must say that was not my last weekend with Matt and Paula. I went back again and again to continue to learn more about myself and I especially learn about how I ran from my feelings. They gently and lovingly gave me the encouragement to stay with my feelings and work through them and I grew by leaps and bounds. After several classes I decided it was time to be an Assistant and that proved to be a wonderfully satisfying experience as well, as there was more time to do my own work.

New Directions gave me tools and taught me how to get through the hard times in my life. I also met wonderful people in the classes; many who I still have close and dear relationships with. Ihave moved to Maine and miss Matt and Paula but also miss the opportunity to go to a class now and again. I made it to 1 class in a visit to California and am hoping to do it again in the future."

- Helen T.

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"What the course does:
When we are young, thoughts, feelings, emotions flow freely through us. Life's experiences, especially the early ones, can clog up that pipeline. Oh yes, the feelings and emotions will still flow, but not in a direction we may want them to - blowing up at our kids, distancing ourselves from our spouse, etc. New Directions cleared out the clogs in my emotions, in my pipeline. I went in thinking my marriage needed work but ended up working on my "dad issues." Isn't it interesting that my communication in my marriage got better and the depression plaguing me since a teenager was lifted? I no longer need medication. When we deal with the pain and hurt we've saved up, when we can feel those emotions as we were when they first happened, we can heal ourselves. When I took the course/reviewing/assisting: I first took the course in 1986. I reviewed once about 10 years later to deal with a divorce and parenting issues. It was like a "tune-up." Reviewing is not necessarily more powerful than assisting, but when I reviewed, I got to have my course be about ME. The course is not complete until you have assisted at least once. Assisting can a regular thing, or when an important person to you goes through the course, or perhaps for a yearly "tune-up." It is a powerful experience. Because I was not in the "hot seat" of being a student, it was easier for me to be open to the information, the ideas, and the work others were doing. I got some of my biggest "pieces" by assisting.

What the course did for me:
I am able to make my life look like I want it to look. I am no longer depressed and only get angry appropriately. I can stand up for myself. I make things happen in my life, in my relationships, and in my work. I am nicer and more fun, and people like being around me more. I am truly happy and have been for years now. I am able to live on the coast (a long-term dream); I am in a wonderful, long-term relationship. I am truly living my dream. Thank you Matt and Paula!"

-Valerie G.

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"Teaching safe, effective methods for recognizing unsuccessful behavior patterns, and providing you with the tools to overcome them."

- A.J.

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"As a student I accomplished more in the 3-day New Directions experience than I had in 5 years of "working on myself." It truly gave me personal power and a New Direction to my life.

My experience as an assistant at New Directions was so enlightening and so rewarding. I just felt so much joy at being able to help others through the New Directions experience and still be able to continue my personal growth. It's an experience I want to continue to share with others."

- Linda V.

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"I went to New Directions after my therapist had suggested it previously, but I never seemed to have a weekend free. Shortly after my separation a session came up on a weekend I had free. I didn't feel I could handle it emotionally at the time, but walked in with great reluctance on Friday night and came out on Sunday with a lifetime of insight.

Never before had I been aware of the feelings and the power they carried inside me. Especially anger and sadness. But the most important thing that I learned was that I needed to feel a whole range of feelings before I could become whole again.

It was a very scary position to be in but facing the fear gave me the inner power and knowledge that the feelings of anger, fear, sadness and being happy are within my control and gave me back some control over my own life."

- Patrick S.

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"I have been involved with Directions for almost 7 years--me being a person with commitment issues, that must mean it's a super program!! The best part is continuing to discover more about myself, where that part of me came from, and deciding if I want to keep it or try something new.

When I think back to my first Directions weekend, I am always amazed to realize just how much I have changed. I used to worry constantly over other people's judgments of me--in physical appearance, morality, work situations, and on and on. What a relief to realize that most people are way too busy living their own lives and dealing with their own crap to dwell on my rightness or wrongness 24 hours-a-day. Instead, I am in charge of my own decisions, and I trust myself to make the best ones.

I also used to try very hard to keep my emotions in check. If I wasn't laughing or cracking jokes, I probably was waiting for the next moment to do either. I was afraid to cry for fear that I would not be able to stop. When I did allow myself to cry, it caused a tight pain in my chest. I will always remember the weekend that I worked with an instructor to realize that the tightness in my chest was from the control I had wrapped firmly around my heart to stop my emotions. It was literally like a spool of thread unwinding as I felt the control spiral down onto the floor and allowed my heart to let out all of its tears. Now I can cry for one minute or one hour, depending on what I decide--it's a choice now, not an unknown.

Many of my most genuine laughs, most joyous experiences, and most human moments have been among friends during a Directions weekend. I have also brought my husband and other good friends to Directions in order to offer them a new discovery of themselves--the best gift anyone could receive."

- Julie B.

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“ ...The most therapeutic experience of my life!...”

- John F., LMFT

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"I have experienced many different approaches to personal growth work. In taking this course, I have found an intense educational experience that has helped to put many issues in perspective. Through this approach, I have experienced resolution on some important personal issues and watched the same happen for many people. It is a worthwhile experience that allows students to come from the weekend with new perspectives and choices available to them. I highly recommend this weekend for anyone who is searching for 'life instructions.'”

- Rebecca M.

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"All of these experiences and feelings have happened to me. But the good part is that, even though I get hurt more deeply and all that, is that I recover faster! Because I am okay with me. And I know I will be okay no matter what happens in my life - I can handle it. I didn't feel that way before Doc and ND - I thought I would die if my marriage didn't work, if my husband died, or if any other tragedy happened in my life. Now I KNOW that even if it was painful and devastating, I would make it through, and I would be happy again. What a great feeling - knowing I can trust myself. =)"

- Jennifer S.


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